dec 14

 

We draw a fine line between "persecutors" and "retributors" in our System. Both cause harm to the body, but for different reasons.
"Persecutors" harm us out of selfish desires or malicious intent, wanting to either see us suffer, or wanting to do what they want "without consequence" and not caring who has to handle the pain instead of them.
"Retributors" follow in their wake; they harm the body to "bleed out" the damage. They have a strange but strong belief that the "blood is poisoned" by malevolent acts and so it needs to be cleansed, lest the intentions behind such acts "infect the body." (Pain is a complex topic in our System in any case.)
Oddly, we have no current alters that self-abuse for the sake of self-abusing. There was at least one in the past. Currently, conscious and non-retributive self-harm (which is strictly monitored) is effectively forbidden in the System, for the good of all.


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@ 12:14 pm


Our innerworld isn’t very “literal;” it is made of energy that can be categorized by color depending on its function. Black energy is raw subconscious. Unfortunately ours now holds many negative things due to past experiences that were buried.
Similar to both your descriptions, our “Black realm” is an unending unconscious space, where all alters are born from. We consider it a sort of “primordial void” as a result. Infinitii is the entity in charge of that space, and ze effectively is composed of the same energy.
There is also a corrupted side of this energy, though— the Tar Pits— which is a deep underground realm where all the abuse-related subconscious energy (and people) hide. It overshadowed the true Black energy for most of our life.
We’d never put anyone there on purpose, as people tend to become badly contaminated when exposed to such things. (Sadly we know this from direct experience.)
Corrupted Black energy exists as “the Tar” and it is effectively its own entity, a direct foil to Infinitii.

-Jay

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@ 02:09 pm


When I'm looking for "lookalike" photos of System members, it tends to hit me just how huge our inner universe is... not just headspace. There is more you know, and it's just as old as we are.
Do you have any idea how tiring it is to be not only a System member, but also someone who is creatively connected to other worlds?
I know usually that gets me called an artist, or an author, or the like. But no one here is a creator outside of headspace. Not like this. We can only watch. We love it, we love them, but we have no control over what their lives are like. So it's more like we're charged with telling their stories, at least, we artists in the System are!
But there are so many others. So many! If we tried to count everybody, inside and outside the System, there would be hundreds of us. Like... probably 300 at least. That is a LOT.
So when I'm looking at photos I'm seeing not just our faces, but everyone else's, and the sheer immensity of it all-- the sudden awareness of just how far this inner space reaches-- is overwhelming.
I know there was a division between us and them for a while. "Headspace and Leaguespace cannot coexist." Was this why?
Either way that's ridiculous. We can live together! We used to! That's where all the Otherspacers came from. We wouldn't be half of what we are if it weren't for those other Worlds we can reach.
But trauma tore us apart, I guess. Sometime after I left, the inner space decided that the Leagues couldn't get touched by ANY of the pain the headspace people were going through. And so it split us up.
I don't want that to be the case anymore! I feel like half of me is missing. And lots of us do, we're all trying to reach out again, we can feel that we need them.
Sorry. I didn't mean to go on a rant again.
It's just weird, to suddenly be recognizing all these other people! I guess I'm so used to feeling like I'm "all in one or the other" so sudden loud overlap is really surprising.
But it's tiring. There is so much.
It's beautiful though.


-Jewel(?)

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@ 08:33 pm


I really don't udnerstand this.
Why can't I get over these triggers?? Why can't I stop these stupid visceral reactions of rage and fear and terror and shame?
The slightest reminder makes me want to set the world on fire, and when I catch myself feeling horrible for that sort of thing, I become empty, incapable of fighting back or protesting anymore. Existentially hollow.
I hate this. I really do. I don't know why it won't stop. It's everywhere. I don't know what year it is. Why won't this go away.
Everywhere I look there is DANGER and I HATE that it's dangerous because even if the sight of something is harmless, THERE ARE THINGS INSIDE THAT WILL STILL HURT ME BECAUSE OF IT
I hate this, I hate this, I want to die, I am so sad, why wont this go away
trauma is so dumb, i shouldtn have gottent traumatized maybe this would be happening right now i was so dumb its my fault
someone please PLEASE help inside or outside i am so scared and sad WHY do we have to keep dealing with this pain WHY???