ahead of me

 

 

I want a future.

Except, now, I'm not sure if I'm going to have one.

No, I don't just mean personal problem-wise... I mean world-wise.
Sure, we're having financial problems at home, but so is most of the nation.
Sure, my parents are divorced and my mom virtually hates my dad, but at least they're not abusive to us and each other.
Sure, we have it rough sometimes, but at least we have jobs and enough food and running water and all that. Some people don't.

So I'm worried about all those people who are more unfortunate than I am... it really does hurt, to think about it.
I try to help, I want to help so much...

...But the news keeps coming on.
My grandmother keeps talking.

Bombings and shootings and death threats and kidnappings... arson and murder even in our own hometown cities.
Slander, scandal, mindless sex and violence, drug abuse and apathy. That's all you see on the TV, and I'll admit it's scaring me.

I was on Newgrounds yesterday (I think)... there was this hideously realistic Flash about nuclear war... dear Lord. I was shaking, literally shaking after I watched that. It was so freaking real it wasn't even funny.
To imagine that... to imagine the hell that the Japanese were forced to endure so many years ago... it's too much for me to bear.
Just an ordinary day until suddenly the flash and the flames appear, searing through the city, decimating everything, killing men and women and children instantly. Bombs know no mercy.

Why do we do it?
Why are we even capable of doing this?


My grandmother keeps talking about the end of the world... keeps spitting prejudice, too.
She keeps talking about the alleged bombs that will fall. Keeps talking about the death and disease and suffering.
Says that we should drop them ourselves... why? I don't see why we would even want to consider throwing the first stone of annihilation.
She hates homosexuals. Vehemently. She also seems to loathe Hispanics, and talks down to black people quite a bit too.
Why?
Why in the world would you hate a fellow human being-- who, by a simple switch of birthplace or skin pigment amount-- would suddenly and ironically earn your respect?
We're all human, regardless of anything. We all have souls... we all have the same potential. We all can feel, so why aren't we more empathetic?
I don't know where all this hate comes from. I really don't.


...


Geez, I have to get to class... got to work towards that diploma, you know?



I desperately hope that I will have a future to use it in.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

@ 06:04 pm

 

 

Mom keeps insulting me... calling me by my father's name.
She hates my father.
Does she hate me?

I hope not.
Please, God, don't let her hate me.
I just... don't want to have caused such vice.

Let me know
what I can do
to finally bring peace
to this house



if that's possible.