I've been thinking...

Current Location: Guess.
Current Mood: A little... worried.
Current Music: Dreams Dreams: Broken Soul Remix

 

...

 

Polyamory is okay if you're asexual, right? 
Celibacy still counts even if you took the vow in second grade, right? 
There's nothing wrong with being in love with someone inhuman, is there?

I don't know. It bugs me to no end and I'm really getting worried.
Today, of all days... geez. 

Polyamory. Of course, you guys know, once I fall in love with someone (which is ridiculously rare) I can never get out, right? Right. 
Well, besides platonically caring for every soul on the planet, I also have four people who are incredibly close to my heart.
And I really do love them all immensely. I love them dearly, I would die for any one of them.
...
I said it when I was 14, and I'll say it again 4 years later.
If I am truly, deeply in love with all four of these people and they feel the same for me, then I think the only think wrong would be to not love any one of them.

I hope I'm right...

And I really am celibate, too. Thank God I'm also asexual/antisexual, because otherwise that might have seemed odd.
...Eh, I don't care. I knew what I was doing back then at age 8. I remember the moment clear as day, too.
I promised God, flat-out, that I would never get married, that I would never get into some regular "crush" relationship like the other girls I knew. And I never did.
I've renewed that vow several times since then as well, and it has gained several deeper aspects over the years that I fully albeit unconsciously accepted even back in 2nd grade... such as consecrating myself to God and dedicating my life to helping others.
...But if I made that vow and no one knew, does it still count?
I think so.
I just want to be sure.

Loving non-humans, though. Namely Chaos and Selph.
Is that wrong?
They have souls, they have morals, they're even humanoid, at least. 
And yet I'd get thrown into an asylum if I ever told anyone, I bet.
Why?
I honestly love them, selflessly and completely. 
How can that be wrong? Ever?

The only problem is, when you say you 'love' someone, this crazy society immediately puts 'sex' into the equation for whatever asinine reason.
However, I'd never ever ever do such things with a human or humanoid, no exceptions ever. I don't say that just for the fact that it would give me real reason to worry and feel guilty, but also for the whole fact that humans are sexual beings, and that honestly scares and disgusts me. 
Yes I have a fear of sex too. Don't laugh.
But you see, Chaos and Selph aren't. They're androgynous and biologically sexless, so I feel more safe around them than I would with anyone of my own species, as much as I'm afraid of offending people by saying that.
Even so.
Every darn thing you can do in a relationship that involves physical contact can easily be accused of being sexual in nature and that makes me want to explode with exasperation and offense. 
What I do isn't sexual in the slightest, no matter what Julie tries to accuse me of. I know what I do. I'm practically still a kid with this stuff. Don't you doubt me when I say that I want nothing to do with that sexual idiocy that has invaded society.
I don't lie. I don't break my vows. I have morals, and so do they.
The crazy relationships I have with those two are terribly fun, really, but everyone gets the idea that it's somehow sexual. Good Lord it ISN'T. I hate sex, I've been traumatized by it before, and Julie is enough stress for me on that subject. On that note, miss blond pigtails, neither of my two guys are even capable, so there.


Regardless. Is it okay? 
I know it sounds weird, but I'm not being immoral. 
So it's okay, right? 

 
But you know. Asexual/ antisexual celibate polyamorous xenophile. Doesn't work well with people of the same species. 
Plus you know I never pick favorites! That would be silly and selfish, and I'm not like that. I hope. 

Regardless I need to finish my term paper and sleep because tomorrow is my birthday and Dream World's 10th Anniversary!! Yes! 

So I'm busy and excited and need to stop stress-eating because it's going to cause problems in the long run no matter how much I exercise. You know it. 

Good night, kids. See you when I'm 18! 


-spinny c.