quora note

[prismaticbleed]

shaken by therapy
looking up "am i really abused" "is this really abuse" "what is trauma" etc. online
esp. considering "self-abuse" within d.i.d. context, no idea how to discuss that, it's WHY we can never get anywhere in therapy we've not only buried it but we never talked about it even when we were GOING THROUGH it

Found in quora:

"If they survive [the trauma] and return to a rational state, it can be terrifying to know that they had no control over their own thoughts and that it could happen again.
Trauma always involves an absolute helpless inability to act in the moment of trauma.
If a person believes they CAN act in some way to protect themselves or prevent the event from happening again, there will not be trauma.
If the survivor of a suicide attempt does NOT believe they can act to avoid or prevent returning to that irrational state of mind they were in when they attempted, they will almost certainly by traumatized..."
 
never heard anyone affirm that before
our life has been defined by feeling completely out of control of ourself and never knowing when we're going to hurt ourself again
it really is traumatic but calling it that feels like such a crybaby copout
same with everything that happened out of state
we COULD NOT protect ourselves or prevent the event
and we were ALWAYS in an irrational state of mind
inherently helpless powerless trapped and PERPETUATING the trauma by our own automated behavior
of course we were traumatized it was like being possessed or puppeteered
don't want to think about that
our brain shut down so much
the WORST memories we can FEEL our brain literally shutting off from sheer terror

don't want this emdr stuff bringing that back up
no
cannot cope. what are we going to do when we remember things
how do you "get better" once you face the reality that THAT HAPPENED
YOU CAN'T ERASE IT
YOU CAN'T SAVE YOURSELF
i can't
can't cope even now


commentary on 1 john 1:7 giving me hope
james coffman:
"This great verse is the source of incredible joy, assurance and consolation to the child of God. He never needs to fear that some impulsive, unintentional, or atypical conduct might overtake him with the result of eternal condemnation. His walking "in the light" can be established by the long term directional thrust of his whole life upon earth and cannot be contradicted and negated by any temporary or insignificant lapse."
adam clarke:
"And being cleansed from all sin is what every believer should look for, what he has a right to expect, and what he must have in this life, in order to be prepared to meet his God. Christ is not a partial Saviour, he saves to the uttermost, and he cleanses from ALL sin."