112723

[prismaticbleed]

 

Shopping morning.
Mailed the intolerance test! It should get there by Friday, so we'll see.
Hit the thrifts, got essential groceries.
Felt nudged to check thrift book rack. I KID YOU NOT, THERE WAS THE FLAME OF LOVE BOOK. For two dollars. Of course we got it.
We also got ten sparkly white snowflakes to hang up in the kitchen, just in time for Advent!
...

Felt SO SICK, FILTHY, ALMOST POSSESSED upon returning home. "Bad energy" of stores & crowds. Legit hellish.
Had to lightly wash up the body, especially hair, to purge the diseased feeling. Then had the irresistible urge to sprinkle ourself with Holy water like a shower. IT WORKED.

We've noticed that when we fast for this long, the floating voices get REALLY LOUD.


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ALL devotional books were AMAZING today.

abbodfer = "BE A GOOD KNIGHT."
Laurie's expression when we read this reflection was... I have no words.
...

Passion = by Watchman Nee.
"You believe in the death of the Lord Jesus, and you believe in the death of the thieves with Him. Now what about your own death? Your crucifixion is more intimate than theirs. They were crucified at the same time as the Lord, but on different crosses, whereas you were crucified on the selfsame cross as He, for you were IN Him when He died. How can you know? You can know for the one sufficient reason that God has said so. It does not depend on your feelings... Let me tell you, You have died! You are done with! You are ruled out! The self you loathe is on the Cross in Christ. ...This is the Gospel for Christians."
This hit me like a FREIGHT TRAIN.
1) Taking belief for granted, and what we miss as a result of that. I'd never thought of ALL THREE PARTIES being united in that respect, concerning the Crucifixion. Of course I believe Jesus died, that's central to my faith-- but I don't doubt that the thieves died, alongside Him, nor do I doubt that I will one day die as well. So why has it never occurred to me that this belief hints at a deeper unity of ALL those deaths, which are ALL on Calvary-- yes, even my own?
2) CHRIST'S CROSS IS MY CROSS. I don't have a separate one!! And why?
2) "YOU WERE IN HIM WHEN HE DIED"!!!!
STOP AND REALIZE HOW TREMENDOUS THAT IS.
...
3) The gutpunch glory of "GOD HAS SAID SO." That's all the reason we need to believe Scripture. It's also why we MUST believe EVERY WORD of it-- and therefore we must READ IT WELL, realizing that it is all Truth.
4) "TRUTH DOES NOT DEPEND ON YOUR FEELINGS." And thanks be to God for that!!
5) That last line slammed such daybreak hope into my chest it was dizzying. "The self you loathe is on the Cross in Christ." 
God has said so. It is true, no matter how tormented & despairing I may feel. That "self" I war against every moment, that vain & proud & hard-hearted libertine, is NAILED TO THE CROSS, dead!! And why? Because Christ has united ME with Himself in Baptism. I have been made a member OF HIS BODY, and therefore, when His Body died on the Cross, so did mine. I may not understand it, but it's IN THE BIBLE so I CAN trust it, and bank all my hopes in it. My sinful self is DONE WITH, as far as Christ is concerned, as long as I stay united TO Him, and thus united TO His death. As long as His Cross is my Cross, then His death is my death, and through that death I have real hope-- a living Hope, hope that is a Person: the Resurrected Christ.
The "self" I loathe is crucified, as I die in Him, as I surrender to the Cross. God has said so. Remember this.


MDE2= from Eileen George.
"To be so in love with Jesus, our Eucharistic King, can give a person much pain... wherever I go I see irreverences every day... something happened at the altar, and I began to cry. My heart was broken. But this sensitivity should be in each and every one of us and it doesn’t come overnight. It doesn’t come through a magic wand. It comes from practicing your faith every day of your life.
When I hunger for Him so much, it tells Him how much I love Him. That's what I want for you. I don’t care if you move mountains. I don't care if you heal the people. I dont care if you speak many languages through the Spirit. I dont care if you fall down in the Spirit. I want you to be excited about coming and receiving Him. I want you, if you do wake up at night, not to grumble, “O Lord, let me sleep," [but] let your heart beat fast because you're going to Mass that morning. I want you to be so in love with Jesus, that your whole world will change. I want you to radiate love for your Eucharistic King."
1) People who are literally "in love with Jesus"... that affects me so strongly. It moves me, inspires me, shakes me to the core. They're in love with GOD. What is that like?? How does that even happen?? It must be pure grace, absolute overwhelming grace given to them. It must become your entire existence, such a love, for such a Beloved. It must consume & supplant everything else, without exception, without hesitation. It's a death to everything else but God. But it's love. Its being IN love, WITH LOVE. It makes my head spin and my hands shake. It's terrible in its beauty. The deepest part of my heart wants it too.
2) SENSITIVITY. I need this desperately. To say it ISN'T a lightswitch gives me SUCH HOPE. If I persevere, God give me the grace, in honest practice of my faith... my heart will become sensitive again. Lord please I hope so. But am I practicing properly? I doubt it. My conscience says "no." You're too rushed, too stressed, too bitter, too ungrateful, too cold. But Lord, please, I need help, I need so much help, please meet me where I'm at and lift me up closer to You in the right way, at the proper time, by Your grace and not my fabric labors. I can't be sensitive if I keep hardening my stupid heart out of fear of what horrors will escape if the iron bars start to soften. Please help us.
3) I need more faith, too.
4) "Hunger." THAT'S what frightens me away from this "love." Oh Lord we need to type about this. It's all food and sex and it's hell. That shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with You. But... does it? I don't understand the terms, the universal concepts, the reason why normal people in love use those terms so freely and without seeing any problem. I can't love You like they do if I'm still so bloody scared to death. I need help. WE need help.
5) THE GREATEST ACTIVE "GIFTS" ARE HOLLOW WITHOUT LOVE FOR THE EUCHARIST.
6) ...That bit about fatigue & the Mass hit so hard.
7) Here's the staggering ideal again, made even more shocking: to be "so in love with Jesus."
...It's terrifyingly ironic how His Humanity makes us so afraid to "love" Him. Trauma does that to you. It blinds your very soul to anything but itself. 
How do we honestly move past this. Does "exposure therapy" work religiously?
...


MDE1= by Rev. Edward J. Farrell, and I'M REELING=
"Each day we hear His command, “Do this in remembrance of Me.” This is the most startling word of the Eucharist: that each Christian is to Iearn to consecrate, to be drawn into Christ’s action so deeply that he becomes a Eucharist! We are to parallel Christ; what He did with His life we are to do with our lives. What a mystery this is, to consecrate ourselves, to become Eucharists! This is what the Christian life is all about; this is the ultimate conclusion and action of following Christ-- to be body given, to be blood shed. To consecrate is to sacrifice, to die, to pass over into a new world, a new life, a new level and depth of existence and consciousness.
It is easy to offer Christ’s sacrifice, to be an innocent bystander and to say, “This is His body, this is His blood.” But when we begin to pray deeply the two-edged real words of consecration, “This is MY body, this is MY blood,” something begins to happen. Those awesome words of His are stamped deeper and deeper into consciousness... They are a promise and vow committing one’s life and presence to another totally until death... Only Eucharist enables us to change ourselves into another, giving ourselves into His hands. The Eucharist is a continuum, an ongoing action, of what He and I are doing and becoming. Eucharist is not only His presence with me but my presence with Him. Wherever His is, there I am; wherever He goes, I go with Him. Eucharist is the sign, the visible witness of what we have done, what we are doing and what we will become. In Eucharist we consecrate each day, each person, each event, hallowing it, firing it, filling it with His Spirit, His Presence, being taken up with Him."
WE NEED TO BUY THIS BOOK. (Don't worry, we already found it on eBay; as soon as we get spending money we'll order it)
1) Do what in remembrance of Him? CONSECRATE. Geez man that's ASTOUNDING. It's hidden in plain sight.
Also, yes, IT'S A COMMAND. Don't forget HOW Jesus speaks-- everything is deliberate and efficacious and FOREVER TRUE. If He says "DO THIS," then yes He IS commanding it, commanding YOU personally! Those Words are living & active!
2) oh man THIS is why the Real Presence changes discipleship ENTIRELY. If we are to "do as He did," and HE MADE HIS BODY THE EUCHARIST, then we-- as members OF HIS BODY, and called to imitate His Life as Christians-- are INEVITABLY AND INEFFABLY BOUND UP IN THAT SAME SACRAMENT.
3) We "become Eucharist" through giving our bodies & shedding our blood-- NOT wantonly but in union with Christ doing the same-- and this IS "consecration"!!!
4) CONSECRATION IS SACRIFICE. IT IS DEATH. BUT IT IS BOTH THOSE THINGS TRANSFORMED IN CHRIST. Through Him, sacrificial death becomes a door to a higher & realer Life, a Life that CANNOT ever die. I reiterate this because without Him, our efforts of "sacrificial death" will just end in death. Believe me, we have tried. Without Christ there is no holiness, and therefore no Life, no matter where else you look, or how much you bleed. 
5) WE SHARE HIS WORDS???
6) Commitment
7) Change into another
8) Continuum of cooperation
9) WITH HIM ALWAYS
10) Sign of our past present & future
11) Total consecration and how



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VOTD= a VERY insightful take on 1 Peter 4:10.
It's NOT about "our gifts" as "talents" or "abilities"-- it's ALL ABOUT GOD!!
"God has given us great grace in various forms. His grace has come to us through His Love, through His being patient with us, through providing for us, through helping us, etc. These are all the gifts of God, that God has given us."
"We must take stock of our lives while we are going through troubling times, persecution, and pain. We must, in that very struggle, have a clear perspective of the grace God has given us through the gifts God has given us, and know that God wants us to use those gifts to help others around us."
"Ask yourself, "am I serving others the way that God has served me through Christ? Am I loving and patient with others, the way that God has loved me and been patient with me?" When we take stock of what God has done for us, we release that we can serve others. So take the challenge of serving people with what God has given you. As freely as you received those gifts, freely give them out today."
1) Grace comes TO us THROUGH these "active virtues" OF God!! They are ACTUAL GIFTS. That is boggling my mind. God doesn't just "show" His virtues to us, keeping them behind glass, not letting the children touch. God puts them right into our hands!!! God GIVES us Love, and Patience, and Generosity, and Compassion, IN THE VERY ACT OF EXPRESSING THEM TOWARDS US. Every single encounter with God therefore gives us something. We never leave Him empty-hearted. His sheer Presence pours graces into us, if we are open to receive, because He IS LOVE and He MUST give of Himself by definition. I never realized how far-reaching that fact goes though; I never imagined this point, that God's gracious actions concerning us are ALSO GIFTS.
2) Grace HAS "various forms"!
3) Struggles must NEVER push us into isolation, from God or others. We should use those times as opportunities to gain a stronger, truer awareness of God's Presence and Providence in our life, because pain helps us see what matters and what is real VERY clearly.
4) God gives us grace-gifts EVEN IN TIMES OF TRIAL. Furthermore, suffering DOESN'T ERASE, NEGATE, OR DISABLE PAST GIFTS.
5) EVERY GIFT WE RECEIVE IS MEANT TO BE SHARED. Jesus told several parables about this! Grace doesn't "diminish" by being poured out-- in fact, the opposite occurs. Grace flows like a river, and it NEEDS to be "given further" in order to KEEP flowing into our hearts!
6) WE ARE ABLE TO GIVE THIS GRACE, BECAUSE THE GRACE ITSELF EMPOWERS US.
7) Our touchstone and litmus test for this is JESUS CHRIST.
8) Grace is merciful by definition. It is given without cost, without conditions, without "deserving", without it "being a good investment." Grace is given with complete freedom.


The questions are beautifully illustrative of this wondrous truth =
"What gifts has God given you?
Hospitality or encouragement; Teaching, leadership, or pastoring; Wisdom or knowledge."
Character traits count as gifts. It's NOT JUST "TALENTS." Your natural disposition, interests, and personality ARE ALL GIFTS FROM GOD AND ARE MEANT TO BE USED FOR HIS KINGDOM.
...

The written reflection ACTUALLY brings in the "TALENT" perspective in harmony with this =
"Did you know that God made you unique from everyone else?
There are abilities you have that many do not. You have talents and skills in areas that others do not have. God did this so you could use the life and talents He gave you to serve Him and others. Since God designed us with unique gifts, abilities, and talents empowered by the Holy Spirit within us, He intends for us to use those to serve and love others. Another place God gifts us is in our life experiences. All of us have unique life experiences that give us the knowledge to help others... Has anyone ever gone out of their way to help you, provide unique knowledge, or assist you in a difficult task? They were using their distinct gifts and life experiences to serve God by serving others.
What gifts or talents has God given you? Do you have unique abilities that others do not have? What life experiences have you had that others can learn from? Make a list of these things, and spend some time thinking about who you can help. These are God's free gifts to us that we are to use to serve others, to bless Him and His People. By choosing to act as faithful managers of all that God has entrusted to us, we glorify His Holy Name."
1) It's not just a cliché: God HAS made you unique. EVERY SINGLE PERSON is utterly one-of-a-kind. Even genetic twins are not interchangeable. Human dignity, individual worth, and uniqueness of purpose are intrinsic to every single soul, without exception. They are an innate and permanent part of our existence, whether we're only alive for a few minutes, or whether we last longer than a century. Your life cannot be replaced or repeated or disregarded. You matter, irrefutably so.
2) This truth opens up into the next. Yes, you do have a particular and indispensable purpose in God's Design, and your purpose DOES NOT INVALIDATE ANYONE ELSE'S. Nor do their purposes make yours unnecessary. YOU ARE ALL UNIQUE AND IMPORTANT, because GOD DECIDES THAT, NOT YOU. God does nothing in vain. You, therefore, are an intentional & conscious creation, down to the very tiniest detail.
3) The absolutely essential core truths for ALL life, for ALL Creation= YOU EXIST BECAUSE GOD DECIDED TO MAKE YOU. GOD IS LOVE, AND HE MADE YOU FROM AND FOR LOVE. SO, YOU EXIST TO LOVE. SINCE LOVE IS GOD, YOU EXIST FOR GOD.
4) God gave each human being a unique life, as we said, but this is BECAUSE each human has unique life experiences, which are the direct result of how they interact with the world based on their own unique personality-- their abilities & disabilities, strengths & weaknesses, talents & ineptitudes-- as well as their unique sociocultural situation.
5) I'm avoiding the main point. YES, YOU DO HAVE TALENTS, ABILITIES, AND SKILLS, AND THEY MATTER TO GOD!!!! Furthermore, since HE is the One Who GAVE them, ONLY HE has the right to decide if they are "worthwhile" or "good enough" or "real" or even "Christian"-- and I can assure you, BECAUSE He gave them to you, AS GIFTS, then YES, THEY ARE.
Even if YOU think your skill is stupid or useless, GOD GAVE IT TO YOU, and don't claim He didn't, because otherwise you wouldn't HAVE it.
6) EVERYTHING MUST BE DIRECTED TOWARDS THE SERVICE OF GOD, and of our fellow man "FOR HIS SAKE." In short, it must ALL BE IN LOVE, BY LOVE, FOR LOVE. And not the sentimental, silly, squishy-soft fallacy of "feeling" that the mortal world passes off wholesale as love. NOR is it the scandalously sensual show of sexuality that same "feeling" falsehood fuels, which sloganizes love and casually equates it with lust.
I'm alliterating. That means I'm burning out. Gotta move on.
7) EVERY GIFT WE HAVE IS EMPOWERED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT???? This actually MAKES SENSE; if the gift IS from God, then of COURSE the Spirit is going to accompany the giving!!
8) Our talents don't just serve others, they LOVE them.
By doing this, we SERVE GOD, because every human being is MADE IN HIS IMAGE. Remember that article!!!
9) Our EXPERIENCE and KNOWLEDGE is a gift too!!!!!
10) What "lacks" can you provide for? What "gaps" can you fill? Remember, your abilities & talents are not universal; your life is not duplicatable. You weren't mass-produced.
11) MAKE A LIST. Seriously, THINK ABOUT THIS. Pray about it! But then ACT on it! If you don't know what abilities, gifts, and talents you have-- if you don't even have a grip on your own life experience-- then you cannot fulfill your God-given potential and purpose. I'M SERIOUS. If you don't know what tools and materials you have, and if you never pick them up to work, you cannot help build God's Kingdom!
...
12) Our gifts are BLESSINGS, not just to others and ourselves, but to GOD????
13) Our gifts are ALL given to GLORIFY GOD'S NAME.
...
14) In the end, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE A MANAGER OF GOD'S TREASURE. HE ENTRUSTED YOU WITH IT. YOU'RE A STEWARD OF HIS PERSONAL PROPERTY. Do you realize the GRAVITY of this??? The absolutely unmerited PRIVILEGE??? The COSMIC RESPONSIBILITY???
...
15) JOHN 15:16 YOU COWARD

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