070813

[prismaticbleed]

(???)

so i didnt get suicidal this weekedn because i was so busy i didnt know what year it was
like i honestlly drew for four days straiht i didnt sleep well didnt eat well didnt move much
but it kept me from living that way, there was no world outside the laptop, i didnt want to die
until!! today we had school and i dont know what happened there?
but we got really sick and we came home annd something happened just now
someone was screaming i guess the throat is sore and we feel sick and hurt all over
the people in the hosue are angry at us why? someone did something wrong
but there is very loud wants to die again
someone wants to not know who

there is also someone upstairs who, just a few minutes ago,
wanted to go outside and kill a small animal
like viciously so
i dont remember any actual feelings, but,
there is a data log of them being "dangerously homicidal"
im glad i didnt feel that doesnt sound good

dont wanna get sick again keep throwing up
dont wanna wake up again want to sleep
so hard to sleep anymore
no one knows how to talk goodbye

 

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@ 07:43 pm

 

Note to selves: having internalized the mindset of “you’re not allowed to show pain or fear" because it’s “not real" DOESN’T MAKE THAT TRUE.

You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to accept that yes, you ARE feeling pain, and then do what you can to help that pain heal.

Ignoring, burying, and otherwise denying your suffering will only exacerbate it. It’s not going to magically disappear because you feel obligated to refute its existence in the first place.