My head is a madhouse!

[prismaticbleed]

Dear Lord! What is going on with me?

Julie is being ruthlessly merciless. Every day she tries to get at me, and the weekend was frightening as all heck concerning that... I mean, Laurie and I can only do so much. Qlok, Chaos and Selph aren't around every second of the day, naturally, so when stuff happens it's headvoice versus headvoice and me stuck in the crossfire. It's not fun. At all.
So yeah. Difficult.

But Laurie's not always nice to me, you know.

Sunday afternoon, she took out the axe.

It's terribly ironic, too.
She does it to help me.
And with good reason.

I drive myself so far down into the dirt I can't even recognize myself anymore.
I look into the mirror and immediately look away.
I call myself worthless, a failure, a jerk, a sinner.
And I am.
But I'm trying harder than anything else to change that.
I try my best, I honestly do... but sometimes, it's just not good enough.
And that's life, you know?

But when I throw myself down and beat myself up, Laurie gets disgusted.
And she gets violent.

And I let her.

And then Lynne steps in.


I have no idea who she is, or where she came from, but she picks me up from the bloody floor and tells me to take a good look at myself. She tells me to take a good look at who I really am, deep inside, beyond the depression and abysmally low self-esteem, and never forget what I see there.
Never forget that I am a good person deep inside.
No matter what anyone says.

And then she reminds me... if I don't believe her, headvoice or not, listen to the other voices all around me.

Countless voices. All around the world.

Telling me that exact same thing.


And I believe them.

I just... I just forget sometimes.
I get distracted.
I screw up.
But don't we all?

I'm only human...

...but humans all have the spark of absolute good within them.



And I'm going to make mine burn as bright as it possibly can.




The world is too dark for me sometimes.

So I'll be a light.




I just hope I can be a good enough light to guide another soul...