012214

 

 

A three word update:

 

We're still alive.

 

The archives are back. Someone deleted them last Tuesday, and tried to delete this page too. Jay held them off, and brought things back today.
We're not sure who this person is inside, who keeps trying to abandon all of us in one fell swoop, but we will have to band together more strongly as a community if we want to prevent that in the future. It seems they only strike when we fade enough for them to consider us utterly nonexistent, and therefore irrelevant. But our lives have meaning too.
...A certain someone left a long message in our inbox concerning all of this, which we are currently reading. We want to thank you, sincerely, for every one of these words. This means so much, truly.

 

Things have been quiet lately. It's a sort of empty-field quiet, where nothing moves forwards or backwards.
We have therapy tomorrow, and we want to dedicate that entire day to reconnecting on the inside. We've all been badly shaken up since the holocaust in December, and it looks like we need to literally stitch ourselves back together, by hand, little by little. It needs to be a group effort, compassionate and persistent. We're still somewhat bloodied up on the inside, true, but we know how to heal those wounds now, so they won't scar anymore.
We're doing a great deal of rebuilding. Places, relationships, roles... all of it. It's work. But it's the most worthwhile work there is. There has been great, great progress so far, which is shocking, when we realize it has only been three weeks.
There are few lingering troubles, surprisingly. The ones that have stayed, are old, to the point of us often being "blinded" to them. (You get used to some things after a while, even if they are actively malevolent.) Our tasks now will be healing those.
But the hells of the past several years seem to be gone. And that fills us with more gratitude than we can really express, ever.

 

 

It's late, and I don't know what else to say at the moment, other than we are well, and taking small steps forward again.
Thank you, all of you, for your support, even if it is simply watching us and reading. It gives us great hope and joy.
I hope this update is sufficient.
Until next time.

 

-A.P.