some bits for today

[prismaticbleed]

We went out on the porch this morning to deliver a medium sized hand-saw to the grandmother outside. I picked it up, wondered about it-- no one in Central ever had saws. Waldorf popped in for a moment (she used to have hand scythes to match Jo, now she uses hammers I think?), but it didn't match.
Then our lime-green oni girl showed up and it clicked. Even better, thanks to that resonance, it struck that her name seems to be Karissa? Or Klarissa, something like that. But it's a K root.
In any case, holding that weapon, she was in the zone. It matched her overlay perfectly. We don't want to use weapons at large anymore-- they are strictly only for fending off Tar/Plague-- but that saw fit perfectly in her hands as she walked through the bright green grass and sunshine. She smiled as she swung it in a small arc, and that is the clearest I have ever felt her presence before.
So yes, just wanted to write that down for the record. The Lime slot is still a bundle of questions so this is good news.

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@ 09:47 pm

"I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape. something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn’t show."
--Andrew Wyeth

Fall and winter feel inexplicably gorgeous to me, like they're the actual new year.
When the leaves start to fall it's like everything is new again, which is ironic... but that brilliant beautiful death of the trees is essential too.
In a strange way, stripping the world down to its bones is so much more beautiful to me than the thick green of summer. There's this fragile but bold intimacy to it; a golden power in that silent secrecy. I really love that "bone structure" way of looking at it.
The world is bare, but the heart is right beneath your fingertips now.
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@ 11:56 pm


So this evening I've been sifting through old archive entries for a secret sentimental reason, and just now I stumbled across this.

Hey, boss?
Yes child?
What are your thoughts on... on Infi?
He is a part of you, isn't he?
Yeah. But the Tar ripped him out of me. It just reached into my ribs, grabbed hold, and... pulled. It hurt like hell, boss.
I would imagine so.
And I know stuff like this always justifies itself eventually-- I mean, Infinitii is part of this system and needed to manifest-- but the cause strikes me as unusual. Bizarre, even. Did the Tar even know that that would happen?
Not specifically, I wouldn't think, but perhaps that was a gamble it was willing to take.
True, but... the heck was it trying to accomplish? Oh!!
Oh?
It was mocking me for trying to fill the Spectrum! It specifically said "if you want new headvoices so bad, let me help you." The ONLY empty headvoice slot in the system was Red.
Ah...
You see what I mean?
Yes.
That ties right into the bloody Razor theory we were tossing around earlier!
Razor? But she isn't in the Red slot, is she?
She's below it, in a freaking nonexistent slot.
Oh. I see.
Yeah. Below Red is Cerise, or Magenta, or whatever the heck the kid is calling it.
Wikipedia's color list says Cerise.
'Kay then, Cerise. Cool. But the Blood slot is a remnant of the old Spectrum floorplan, where Red was the base and Pink was technically above my slot. Now it loops, which allows for Jewel and Infinitii to exist in the center of everything, along with possibly you, Sandman?
With me?
Yeah, uh, I was wondering if you were part of the system or not. If you were, Gray is technically an outspacer slot, so...

Particularly these bits:

"It was mocking me for trying to fill the Spectrum! It specifically said "if you want new headvoices so bad, let me help you." The ONLY empty headvoice slot in the system was Red..."

"Below Red is Cerise, or Magenta, or whatever the heck the kid is calling it.... but the Blood slot is a remnant of the old Spectrum floorplan, where Red was the base and Pink was technically above my slot. Now it loops, which allows for Jewel and Infinitii to exist in the center of everything..."


I haven't posted a concrete entry anywhere on the new Spectrum flowchart-- mostly because it took me several solid days to grasp even in an initial sense-- but those two almost-forgotten bits of data are VERY relevant in light of it.
To summarize: the Black slot, and by extension Infinitii-- has very strong roots in Red, and White (and by extension, me) has equally strong roots in Cerise. That's right here, from spring of 2012, and yet I did not know it was still so concretely applicable until last week. Creepy but awesome, that's typical headspace behavior.

Needless to say I am going to have to continue reviewing like this, wow. Balance my overwhelming amounts of Dream World work (FREAKIN' TYPECODES) with this, because datawork for headspace is fascinating and honestly I love both the reviewing and the revelations.
I also am itching to draw, you have no idea, I am still fine-tuning the Central Spectrum "portrait series" I've been planning for ages and I want to START. Now that we're confirmed 16 I can get a coherent visual going and I am really, really excited on a heart level to see this creative endeavor come to fruition. I owe us that much.

Anyway it is midnight and I unfortunately have no further time to ramble right now.
Therapy lately has been somewhat 'slow' (no massive topics) but still very relevant and helpful. Honestly we've been in some rocky waters lately, but Infinitii and I are both doing our share of hardcore healing work and that IS helping, even if just in a 'background' sense. Oftentimes for us, all the groundwork needs to be done before a situation will change-- and then it will change quickly and massively. At least, that's what it feels like! So rest assured, positive healing work is being done, but it is terribly complex and honestly rather frightening in spots. I will be dedicating an entry to that maybe tomorrow evening, after therapy (as I plan to bring this up).

In any case headspace is still as beautiful as ever and I really need to start recording the little things here... they make daily life worth living, they really do.
I realized Genesis and I have got a sort of dæmon-link going on? He warped about 30 feet away from me today when we were shopping (usually we stay within 15 feet of each other) and it actually hurt, in an odd sort of homesick way? Like it was foggy blue and intangible, a misty heartsickness of sorts. That was striking. (In contrast, when Infi gets too far away it physically aches like my heart is missing. Fitting, really.)
It rained today. It was like silver threads coming down; it was beautiful.

I'll throw this lovely song at you (as Genesis and I have been looping it all day) and call it a night.