prismaticbleed (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
prismaticbleed) wrote2024-10-26 05:22 pm
prismaticbleed) wrote2024-10-26 05:22 pm
tbhu distress tolerance worksheets = practicing skills
"SELF-SOOTHING" SKILL PRACTICE
101624
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
LOUD, BUSY, CHAOTIC grouproom environment; TOO MUCH TALKING, TV on, sensory overwhelm. Working busily on worksheets. NOT TAKING ANY TIME to GO INSIDE/UPSTAIRS and RE-CENTER IN HEART.
SKILLS USED=
VISION, SMELL, TOUCH
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
"Hugged" self wearing soft pajamas, letting body relax comfortably in chair (release tension). Looked at lovely red shiny buttons, & pretty red swirl pattern like tree branches in the snow. Then smelled the fabric of the sleeve, which smells like ME (home/ safe) & was deeply comforting. Made me remember lying in bed with Chaos Zero; immediate peace
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
INSTANT, DEEP "SOOTHING/ COMFORTING" CALMED DOWN. Like melting away anxiety, or coming home after a long day. COMPLETELY took me OUT OF THE BUSY WORLD for a solid minute; fresh remembrance LINGERED in awareness, helping KEEP the peace.
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= 85
AFTER= 10
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
5
----------------------------
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
Flashbacks to SLC while taking a shower. Vivid & very disturbing. Even Julie fronting to help wasn't making it go away. Harmonia trying to front brought in CNC flashbacks too, making it even scarier.
SKILLS USED=
VISION, SMELL, TOUCH
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
I cleared my mind as much as I could and focused on the light glittering off the water, like sparkles. I looked at the light brown wall and the green-yellow-blue of the shower curtain. I smelled the peppermint soap. And I ended the shower with ICY water, like winter snow.
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
It took my attention off of the bad flashbacks for a while. The moment I just looked at the sparkling water in sheer wonder filled me with a sudden and genuine joy. The icy water made me smile with sheer surprise. The peppermint smell was deeply comforting, like Christmas.
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= 80
AFTER= 30
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
3
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"STOP" SKILL PRACTICE
101624
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
"Fall Harvest Fest" at 11AM. Saw prep: DONUTS, CORNSTALKS, LOUD MUSIC, "BEANBAG TOSS," etc. IN BIG GROUPS WITH STRANGERS, UNABLE TO SAY NO OR ESCAPE. "Flashbacks" to CHILDHOOD/ CNC.
BEHAVIOR YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP=
CATASTROPHIZING about the "Fall Harvest Festival"
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
PAUSED & went upstairs. Deep breaths, talk to Laurie. Acknowledged my fear & bad memories, ALSO others' joy. DECIDED to "MAKE IT BETTER" by CHOOSING to FIND JOY & SHARE IT, for OTHERS' SAKES.
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
"CHRISTIAN REDEMPTIVE MISSON"!! "The past DOES NOT define the NOW!" I HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE TO FIND & FEEL JOY EVEN NOW, and so TRANSFORM IT INTO A "GOOD MEMORY" = HEAL THE PAST!! Also, DO THIS FOR MOM. She LOVES this stuff, and I want to SHARE THAT WITH HER. (Also, Leon really wants that pumpkin pie ♥) MAKE THIS FUN!
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= 9
AFTER= 6
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
4 (DETERMINATION!)
(TOLERATED THE DISTRESS/ COPED IN REALTIME!)
-------------------------------------
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
EATING A SOY BURGER & DRINKING SOYMILK &
BEHAVIOR YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP=
TERRORQUIT/ DESPAIR RELAPSE/ ALLERGY PANIC LOOP
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
STOPPED by watching 6th Sense on TV with the group, to put distance between me/ panic. Reminded self that our allergist said we have NO TRUE ALLERGY to soy, and NO SYMPTOMS of concern. Others congratulated me on bravery. Decided to TRUST & BRAVELY TRY AGAIN.
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
TRUSTING GOD & REASON. Others are proud of my brave efforts to FACE & CONQUER this fear-- which MY OWN ALLERGIST SAYS IS EXAGGERATED; SHE TOLD TEAM I DO NOT HAVE A SOY ALLERGY-- and I WANT TO LIVE UP TO THEIR FAITH IN ME. Dude I am EATING EGGS DAILY & NOT DYING. They had the SAME "WEAL" ON THE SKINPRICK TEST AS SOY. YOU WILL NOT DIE. TODAY PROVES IT.
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= 100
AFTER= ?
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
3 (GOTTA FACE IT AGAIN, AND FEEL THIS↑ AS TRUE)
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"IMPROVE THE MOMENT" SKILL PRACTICE
101824
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
SOY NAUSEA & BRUTAL NIGHTMARES.
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
I= Going upstairs & just embracing Anxi, talking with her & consoling her
M= This suffering is strengthening my patience, courage, & COMMITMENT to CHOOSE JOY!
P= CAST ALL YOUR CARES UPON THE LORD, FOR HE CARES FOR YOU + Morning offering
R= Taking a hot/cold shower with PEPPERMINT soap, and wearing my softest outfit
O= Repeatedly bringing mind back to NOW/ grounding
V= doing FUN worksheets!
E= Anxi/ Laurie/ God/ peers/ staff ALL reminding me of MY TRUE CHARACTER
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
TOTALLY SHIFTED FOCUS. "VACATION" WORKED SO WELL??? I literally just focused on going through worksheets and it INTERRUPTED the intense loop, although the symptoms persist. But now the other letters have a better foundation to work from. And TRUST IN GOD!
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= 100
AFTER= ?
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
4 (SHOCKINGLY EFFECTIVE)
---------------------------
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
Phone call with mom. Got NO support on my recent recovery victories; instead she focused on my past failures & even projected them onto the present. I felt unseen, unheard, invalidated, like I hadn't changed at all.
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
I= Upstairs with Chaos 0, Laurie, Anxi.
M= Journaled about it. Need to let go & stop basing my recovery validation on her.
P= Paula praying for me. Me reminding myself that God is proud of my progress.
R= Deep breathing, letting my body relax as much as I could, willing hands.
O= Journal, worksheet. Also helps just looking at tablet mealplan calculation data.
V= Went outside & walked around in the night air, laughing at fantastic "foursquare" game
E= All my beloveds sharing my joy & struggle & sorrow & hope for real. We're TOGETHER in this.
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
Still very sad, but able to accept reality. Holding on to the support I DO have, and holding on to my faith. Able to admit my own faults & forgive judgments towards mom. Still willing to communicate with her & hoping for a better relationship, but beginning to let go of this expectation.
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-10)=
BEFORE= ?
AFTER= ?
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
3
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"ACCEPTS" SKILL PRACTICE
102224
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
PEANUT BUTTER CHALLENGE + HACK NIGHTMARE. Body feeling "flu sick" & nauseous. Risk of allergy panic & exaggerating symptoms (with the pb); flashbacks & despair/identity corrosion from hack. DON'T WANT THAT. But distress still occurring.
SKILLS USED=
Distract with A.C.C.E.P.T.S.
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
A= WORKSHEETS! Reading Matthew Kelly books, GROUP WITH ALYSSA
C= Talking to Paula & giving her encouragement & supportive advice in HER struggles & worries
C= I FACED IT BRO! AND I'M NOT HAVING ALLERGY PANIC! OR WANTING TO PURGE!
E= Thinking about Anxi & Phlegmoni & JMC (peanut butter santas), SMILING/ laughing
P= Flat-out NOT DWELLING ON THE EVENTS. I survived, I did the challenge, BE HERE NOW
T= Spelling, counting, remembering movies & songs, naming colors in the room
S= Just treasuring local textures: clothes, paper, markers, glossy plastic, buttons
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
Completely took my mind off the memory/ sickness. Distraction IS helpful! I know it'll subside; I just have to WAIT IT OUT PEACEFULLY. This is PROVING that I'M OKAY AND I WON'T DIE. It's a VITAL SKILL. BEST help: SHARING IN THE JOY OF OTHERS/ NOT THINKING OF MYSELF AT ALL. Literally "get out of my own head"
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-100)=
BEFORE= 85
AFTER= ~20
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
4
-------------------------------------
102624
PROMPTING EVENT FOR DISTRESS=
Mealplan worry-compulsion; "What's the BEST/ RIGHT choice?" The ones I DID make are proving TOO HIGH VOLUME in reality and I CAN'T BACK OUT. I'm DOOMED TO TERROR & SUFFERING UNTIL THURSDAY. I'm struggling to cope with this.
SKILLS USED=
PROS & CONS
DISTRACT WITH A.C.C.E.P.T.S.
DESCRIBE USE OF SKILLS=
A= Doing weekly recap worksheets, mealplan budget, & journaling, plus a MOVIE ♥ (live-action little mermaid)
C= Not isolating from peers. Sharing Halloween card with them. Talk to Rhi/ Melanie.
C= "I'D RATHER SUFFER THAN SIN." WILLING TO FACE THIS WITH FAITH.
E= Anxi again. Laurie encouraging. Thinking of Chaos 0 with the movie plot. ♥
P= I can't go back on my decisions. I want to learn to FACE the consequences.
T= Thinking about typecodes! Trying to remember the data. It brings me joy.
S= The taste of the pita chips at snack, the smell of autumn air, the sound of URSULA ON TV
DESCRIBE OUTCOME OF USING SKILLS=
Laurie, Anxi, & Chaos 0 reminding me that these mealplan struggles are TEMPORARY and they are TEACHING US HARD BUT VITAL LESSONS, and in the process "FORCING" US TO GROW IN VIRTUE & FAITH... and to GROW CLOSER TOGETHER IN LOVE. And THAT IS FOREVER, AND WORTH LIVING/ FIGHTING FOR.
RATE LEVEL OF DISTRESS (1-100)=
BEFORE= 100
AFTER= 25 & falling!
RATE EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILLS (1-5)=
4
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PROS & CONS OF ACTING ON CRISIS URGES
PROBLEM BEHAVIOR YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP=
ALLERGY PANIC (EGG/ SOY/ SESAME/ SHRIMP)
ACTING ON CRISIS URGES=
AVOIDANCE/ PANIC RESTRICTION/ TERROR "DESPAIRQUIT"; GIVE UP TRYING
PROS OF ACTING ON CRISIS URGES=
1. DON'T HAVE TO "STARE DEATH IN THE FACE" EACH MEAL
2. AVOID FEELING SICK/ ITCHY/ NAUSEOUS/ TERRIFIED
3. DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M "HURTING MYSELF" BY EATING "POISON"
4. CAN EAT OTHER FOODS THAT I ACTUALLY ENJOY INSTEAD
5. AVOID MEALTIME PANIC; CAN RELAX AT "NO DANGER"
CONS OF ACTING ON CRISIS URGES=
1. STILL "CONTROLLED" BY FEAR. OBSESSIVE INGREDIENT AVOIDANCE.
2. FEEDS INTO RESTRICTION BEHAVIOR IN GENERAL
3. NOT BEING COURAGEOUS; NOT ACTING ON CORE VALUES
4. ACTING IN DIRECT CONTRAST TO ALLERGIST REASSURANCE
5. HAUNTED BY "DEATH TERROR." NOT TRULY RECOVERING.
RESISTING CRISIS URGES=
BELIEVING FACTS & PROFESSIONAL ADVICE/ REASON; GET OVER FEARS
PROS OF RESISTING CRISIS URGES=
1. MAKE MOM/ TEAM AND SELF PROUD/ JOYFUL IN VICTORY
2. ACT COURAGEOUSLY; PROVE I CAN MEET THE CHALLENGE
3. GRADUALLY LESSEN THE GRIP OF FEAR/ PANIC CONTROL
4. FREE TO EAT "ALLERGY FEAR FOODS" IN ALL CONTEXTS
5. MOVE MORE FULLY INTO RECOVERY/ FREEDOM/ PEACE
CONS OF RESISTING CRISIS URGES=
1. MIGHT STILL "FEEL SICK" AND HAVE TO SIT WITH THE TERROR
2. WILL BE CONVINCED I AM DYING FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR
3. NEED TO REPEAT EXPOSURE. MENTALLY EXCRUCIATING.
4. PSYCHOLOGICAL/ PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION & EXERTION
5. NO "PROOF" OF SAFETY. MUST TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH.
★ BESIDES THE E.D., WHAT ARE MY ACTUAL CRISIS URGES??
LASHING OUT? VIOLENCE? SELFHARM? FIGHTING? RAGEQUIT?
(ALL OF THOSE TRIGGER A PURGE REACTION)
"Identify which of these are short-term (just for today) and which are long-term (beyond today). Would you rather have a good day or a good life? Make mindful choices about your behavior."
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"TIP" SKILL PRACTICE
"TEMPERATURE"
SITUATION= Dude we do this BEFORE EVERY MEAL, even at home
DISTRESS LEVEL BEFORE= 85 AFTER= 10
DISTRESS TOLERANCE BEFORE= 50 AFTER= 85
DESCRIBE WHAT YOU DID= We go to the room sink, wet paper towels with cold water, and wash our face/ ears/ neck with it. The wet & cold, with our eyes closed, instantly helps us chill out a significant bit
"INTENSE EXERCISE"
SITUATION= Fall fest; deciding to play "cornhole" until I got 5 in the hole, running back & forth
DISTRESS LEVEL BEFORE= 60 AFTER= 0
DISTRESS TOLERANCE BEFORE= 50 AFTER= 100
DESCRIBE WHAT YOU DID= I threw 5 beanbags in a row each time, trying to stand form & aim straight & with a strong arm. Then I ran to get them & ran back. I did this at least 12 times? Laughing & happy
"PACED BREATHING" (COUNTING)
SITUATION= OVERWHELMED & dissociated from talking too much/ for too long, ALL DAY
DISTRESS LEVEL BEFORE= 100 AFTER= 80
DISTRESS TOLERANCE BEFORE= 10 AFTER= 50
DESCRIBE WHAT YOU DID= Closed eyes/ willing hands, went upstairs (Imagery skill) & Laurie counted for me. Unfortunately I just felt like I was suffocating (breathing exercises usually do that to me) so it KEPT me anxious in that regard. LET KYANOS DO IT!!
"PAIRED MUSCLE RELAXATION" (w/ breathing)
SITUATION= Disturbing sexual stuff on TV, I can't tune it out or leave the room
DISTRESS LEVEL BEFORE= 100 AFTER= 5
DISTRESS TOLERANCE BEFORE= 0 AFTER= 90
DESCRIBE WHAT YOU DID= Tightened my arms/ legs/ stomach while inhaling, then released tension all at once while exhaling forcefully. FOCUSED on breathing, meditative. Shockingly effective; helps "reset brain mood" and gives a quick outlet for violence/ rage/ "fight" trauma survival instinct
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"RADICAL ACCEPTANCE" SKILL PRACTICE
101524
TWO MAJOR THINGS THAT I NEED TO ACCEPT RIGHT NOW + ACCEPTANCE LEVEL 0-5=
1. The world around me will NOT "cater to" my triggers = 4
2. My ENTIRE past IS "MINE" and I have to INTEGRATE it ALL = 3
TWO MINOR THINGS THAT I NEED TO ACCEPT RIGHT NOW + ACCEPTANCE LEVEL 0-5=
1. I must attend a Partial program, in person or in telehealth = 2
2. I cannot always have the foods I "want"/ "enjoy more" = 3
★ PRACTICING radical acceptance means CONSISTENT REPETITION, WHOLEHEARTEDLY & ATTENTIVELY
TWO ITEMS TO PRACTICE RADICAL ACCEPTANCE ON=
1. ACCEPT & INTEGRATE THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE HISTORY AS MINE (BALANCE SELF & SYSTEM!)
★ I MUST LOVE THE "ME/US" IN THE ARCHIVES
2. ACCEPT WHEN "I DON'T GET WHAT I WANT/ EXPECT" AND LEARN TO EMBRACE IT FULLY (CHOOSE LOVE/ JOY) (GRATITUDE!!)
★ ALL CAUSES FOR MY CURRENT REALITY EXIST IN GOD'S PLAN.
★ PRAYERS OF PRAISE & GUIDANCE HELP PROMOTE FULLER ACCEPTANCE
★ TO COPE AHEAD= IMAGINE ALL THE WAYS A SITUATION CAN GO WELL, BY MY CHOOSING TO FULLY ENTER INTO IT = HAVE HOPE/FAITH, DETERMINED OPTIMISM, TRUST IN GOD
★ "Attend to body sensations" = PHYSICAL responses! SOOTHE them? Like a scared child.
★ Painful emotions (grief, distress, etc.) are INTERNAL CAUSES OF PHYSICAL SYMPTOM SIGNS? ESSENTIAL TO FULLY ADMIT & FULLY FEEL, TOGETHER.
★ "GOD, I TRUST WHAT YOU GIVE ME!"
★ "LIFE IS ALWAYS WORTH LIVING, EVEN WHEN THERE IS PAIN"
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"RADICAL ACCEPTANCE" SKILL PRACTICE
101624
SKILLS I WILL PRACTICE THIS WEEK DURING TWO STRESSFUL SITUATIONS =
1. Half-smiling & willing hands: I'm practicing these DAILY; keep it up, but ADD MORE SKILLS!
2. Turning the mind & willingness WORK TOGETHER!! To TURN the mind to CHOOSING the "unacceptable" in WILL, it ENABLES the WILLING PARTICIPATION!
3. Mindfulness of hurt thoughts; DON'T GET CARRIED OFF. Only think them through with the SYSTEM, once the thought's intense emotions have "calmed" enough to REASON.
DESCRIBE THE FIRST STRESSFUL SITUATION AND HOW YOU PRACTICED SKILLS =
Still sad over mom. Did hands/smile; IMMEDIATELY tuned me back into my persisting love of her. I accept the reality of her different personality & accept her AS SHE IS. I CHOOSE to respect her unique history & personality, even when it doesn't "match" with mine "as I expect."
1-5 EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILL IN HELPING YOU COPE = 4
DESCRIBE HOW THE SKILL HELPED YOU COPE =
Accepting mom AS SHE IS, accepting MY faults, and CHOOSING TO LOVE & FORGIVE BOTH OF US, so we CAN GROW BETTER TOGETHER. Focus on HOPE; COURAGEOUS COMPASSION, FAMILY!
"CHECK THE FACTS"! YOU KNOW MOM LOVES YOU, EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T REALIZE/ KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU "THE WAY THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU." HER LOVE IS STILL REAL. DWELL ON THOSE FACTS!! ♥
★ Willingness means LISTENING TO "WISE MIND" & ACTING FROM IT! Wise Mind KNOWS that there WILL be conflict, BUT MOM STILL TRULY LOVES ME, & SHE DOES WANT ME IN HER LIFE. So these doubtful fears are FACTUALLY FALSE!!
DESCRIBE THE SECOND STRESSFUL SITUATION AND HOW YOU PRACTICED SKILLS =
"STUPID" mealplan decisions again. "Stuck" between high volume & bingeing, it feels like. Overwhelmed by feeling full. Angry. Scared. Lost. Did ALL skills & talked it out with Laurie. Choosing to TRUST that GOD CAN AND WILL work this out for my good. CHOOSING to ACCEPT MY OWN CONSEQUENCES & LEARN, instead of second-guessing everything I do.
1-5 EFFECTIVENESS OF SKILL IN HELPING YOU COPE = 3
DESCRIBE HOW THE SKILL HELPED YOU COPE =
It didn't really? I'm so scared & angry & sad but I TRUST GOD is going to help. I feel SO LOST & HELPLESS & BLIND but GOD KNOWS. I CAN surrender to that. It's all I can do. It's the BEST I can do.
★ TRY TO SEE THIS AS AN EXPERIMENT. YOU CAN & WILL LEARN WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU THROUGH THIS TRYING/ RISK. TAKE NOTES! & ENTER INTO IT WITH A POSITIVE & CURIOUS MIND! (WILLING & GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY = EVEN "ADVENTURE"; LEARNING IS ONLY BY ACTION HERE!)
★ HOW DO I COPE WITH VIOLENT OUTBURST URGES??? THEY WON'T FIX THE PROBLEM OR GET ANSWERS. (FEEL / LISTEN TO THEM INSIDE!!! outside DOESN'T HELP)
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