prismaticbleed (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
prismaticbleed) wrote2021-03-22 09:40 pm
prismaticbleed) wrote2021-03-22 09:40 pm
Entry tags:
032221
Saturday: slept in with Chaos 0
Sunday: Gorzkie Żale.
Sharona singing!!
Today: Woke up early enough to watch GK Chesterton!
Poked myself in the eye twice, joked about it being "a great day for achy burny eyes." Realized that Phlegmoni's commercial antics are one of the ONLY things that make me laugh anymore. I've been so down & out from guilt, shame, self-loathing, etc. But that goofy little eyeball imp never fails to make me giggle & smile. God bless him.
Looking up YouVersion plans for Lent; started one about true fasting. GAME CHANGER.
Squash day. Binged on yellow ones. Why?
Honestly, it was that SAME CHARLOTTE CRAVING that I regretted so bitterly, yet which highlighted the toxic nature of my situation and the double standard of Oliver's indulged hedonism.
Definitely more food for thought today.
The carpenters CUT THE COMCAST CABLE 🤣
Feels like a power outage without the panic. Really lovely actually; tangible sense of liberation. SPIRIT OF FASTING!
Also inspired RADICAL trust in God. Cultivating Patience too.
Electrician talking about Saint Paul. "Jesus is my Savior." Touched me to the heart honestly.
Indian Comcast dude on phone told me to "have a blessed afternoon"; you too sir!! ❤ That was so nice to hear.
As of 3pm, finally feeling like "seek Me and you shall find Me." Hosea vibes.
Heart aching for God. I want my thirst for God back. GOTTA STOP STARVING MYSELF.
Thinking about Spectrum hues. I lost my fire and turned to ice when the "core gender switch" happened and I GOTTA GET MY FIRE BACK. Thinking about Red vibes vs Vermilion vibes-- and yesterday, Orange and Yellow by extension.
Also realizing what an absolute Godsend Phlegmoni is. He's the ONLY person in the System, EVER, to have Fire besides me. He's the first Vermilion Outspacer. And, most notably, he's the first New person I've felt legit love for since... God knows when, actually. That's shocking. Who did I last love, Jena? If so that was 12 YEARS AGO DUDE. Yet, notably, it was BEFORE the gendershift. HMM. SOMEHOW I'M NOT SURPRISED.
Gotta see a cardiologist soon. Too much chest pain & arrhythmia. It's not cool.
Sunday: Gorzkie Żale.
Sharona singing!!
Today: Woke up early enough to watch GK Chesterton!
Poked myself in the eye twice, joked about it being "a great day for achy burny eyes." Realized that Phlegmoni's commercial antics are one of the ONLY things that make me laugh anymore. I've been so down & out from guilt, shame, self-loathing, etc. But that goofy little eyeball imp never fails to make me giggle & smile. God bless him.
Looking up YouVersion plans for Lent; started one about true fasting. GAME CHANGER.
Squash day. Binged on yellow ones. Why?
Honestly, it was that SAME CHARLOTTE CRAVING that I regretted so bitterly, yet which highlighted the toxic nature of my situation and the double standard of Oliver's indulged hedonism.
Definitely more food for thought today.
The carpenters CUT THE COMCAST CABLE 🤣
Feels like a power outage without the panic. Really lovely actually; tangible sense of liberation. SPIRIT OF FASTING!
Also inspired RADICAL trust in God. Cultivating Patience too.
Electrician talking about Saint Paul. "Jesus is my Savior." Touched me to the heart honestly.
Indian Comcast dude on phone told me to "have a blessed afternoon"; you too sir!! ❤ That was so nice to hear.
As of 3pm, finally feeling like "seek Me and you shall find Me." Hosea vibes.
Heart aching for God. I want my thirst for God back. GOTTA STOP STARVING MYSELF.
Thinking about Spectrum hues. I lost my fire and turned to ice when the "core gender switch" happened and I GOTTA GET MY FIRE BACK. Thinking about Red vibes vs Vermilion vibes-- and yesterday, Orange and Yellow by extension.
Also realizing what an absolute Godsend Phlegmoni is. He's the ONLY person in the System, EVER, to have Fire besides me. He's the first Vermilion Outspacer. And, most notably, he's the first New person I've felt legit love for since... God knows when, actually. That's shocking. Who did I last love, Jena? If so that was 12 YEARS AGO DUDE. Yet, notably, it was BEFORE the gendershift. HMM. SOMEHOW I'M NOT SURPRISED.
Gotta see a cardiologist soon. Too much chest pain & arrhythmia. It's not cool.