rainbows and waterfalls

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

SESSION PARTICIPANTS
LAURIE UBERICH JEWEL LIGHTRAYE CHAOS ZERO



Hey, guess who's back.

Superego's back.

Tell a friend!

I'm right here, you maniacs.

Haha.

No seriously. Jewel, you said you had things to discuss?

I did. I do. Also I just want to mention how much I miss Ryman and Markus lately, oh man.

You do know Markus is not going to let me get through today without a sparring match.

You two are still brawling on Fridays?

Course we are, it's tradition.

Hey ppls howya doin?

Get me some champagne and I'll take you to heaven, boy.

You can take me anywhere you want, love.

Believe me, I plan to.

Geez, these things are just glorified Sonic Chats, aren't they.

Haha, no way Laur. If they were everyone would be drunk right now, someone would be filming cutscenes in the closet, and we'd be fighting off Terminators singing Clay Aiken songs.

Good times.

You bet. But really, I do miss everyone, and I am serious when I say that I'd love to have at least the Pharaoh and the Mage in here for Christmas. But speaking of old titles, Markus hasn't even hit the old "metainomen" event yet. You know... incident threes.

You serious? He still hasn't?

No, no opportunity to. I think maybe I got too scared at some point. Don't get me wrong, in a way I'm glad that was postponed for several years because now he's probably going to get bonus points or something, but... yeah, it's not something I like thinking about.

Ours was brutal.

So was mine and Ryman's, seriously. That was the first one ever, it was terrifying.

Your number 4 with Chaos trumped all of that though.

...Yeah.

That was the most heartbreakingly terrifying and beautiful thing I've ever suffered through.

Cathedral wings and mindlinks, so I heard.

That absolutely killed me. I couldn't stop crying. Chaos, you were...

I know. I can't forget that either.

...

Hey, I hate to break up the reminiscing but we really do have a reason why we're in here today. Jewel, topics.

Right, right. Well I was thinking about last night and re-reading TPON with Xenophon this morning, and that plus the morning clarity made me realize a few things. I think maybe I was too distraught last night to mention a few points? I wasn't present enough.

You were a freaking mess is what you were.

Exactly. And that was really ironic. See, there's a difference between your life and your life situation, and I have been totally happy with my life for quite some time now. I'm even managing to get over my dysphoria because heck, it's just a body and it doesn't define me in any way. I mean transitioning helps, a lot, but at the end of the day I'm still this boundless bright thing and that's not going to change, no matter what my form looks like.

True that. Sounds like you're making progress.

I sure am. But that's a secondary mention. Most importantly, it sounded to me that last night, I was getting too attached to what I felt I had to do today? I was forgetting that yeah, although a connection would really help me show this love to Chaos, that love isn't going to diminish or go away whatsoever if I wasn't able to accomplish that somehow. And it wasn't going to block me from showing it in other ways either. I just... I still missed you, Chaos, and I got too desperate for that one thing. Sorry about that.

That's tragically understandable. You two do need a connection whether you like it or not.

Yeah, but getting so panicked over it felt really off when I thought about it today. Well at least in that sense. I am still perfectly capable of being happy and joyful without a connection because that's just icing on the cake. Really awesome icing, but still. The point is that Chaos and I are still our own people even then. We can't define ourselves by each other in that respect. If something comes between us, that won't break what he have, but it's no reason to freak out either because dude, these things happen.

Even if a mischievous fate befalls us, it will never break.

No matter how far apart we are, our feelings are linked and connected together. I know.

Sounds like what Xenophon says about you.

Dude it does.

"We're all connected at the heart." Well it's true, you know.

But you make a good point, Jewel. So you're saying that you shouldn't have taken yesterday as hard as you did, because even if you did have to wait, that would only be temporary?

Yeah and not even that. Waiting can't break this, period. That's the point. And that's where the irony comes in. Nothing can make anyone happy because true happiness can only be found within, and from what I've learned, that happiness always ultimately comes from love. That's the source that everything that's worthwhile comes from. And what was I freaking out about yesterday? Whether or not I could show that as completely as I wanted. I kept saying I wanted to be with him and I do, but heck that's effortless. It just means being who we are, as simple as that, together. That's it! Connecting is taking that and freaking merging it, and I was getting too worried about the details, and forgetting that those didn't really matter. Yeah, things are impermanent in this world, and I won't live forever even if we're not sure if Chaos will anymore or not, but...

I won't. Too much has happened. I'm stuck in the same boat you are now.

Because of the Ruby?

Basically. That and the other universes I'm tied to through it.

What about Parnassus, aren't you two divine beings over there?

Kind of, but we're not all there is! So even then the point is that things change, nothing stays the same way forever... that is, except love. The force that holds everything together. Divine love, not romance or any of that, although that's perfectly fine on its own. But that's stuck in duality too. That changes. Real love doesn't. Even if I'm not around anymore, at least not like this, love doesn't end.

This too shall pass, huh.

Yeah, and that's seriously freeing, I love it. It takes away all the stress from everything. No matter what happens, nothing can change what we all are at heart. If we just remembered that, that we're all united in love, this world would be a heck of a lot nicer to live in.

I think people are starting to realize it now. Give them some time.

I am. I'm not rushing or judging anyone. We all have our own journeys and paths to take and that's awesome. Let everyone else do what they need to do, whatever that involves.

So is this ironic too?

It's ironic because of how hard I was trying to show that innate truth yesterday. All I was doing was trying to show that love, which is going to be there no matter what I do. Remember what you said about us on June 29th, Laurie? About 'religious experiences?'

"Tell me just what the heck happened on Sunday that made both of you, both of you, feel that you were closer to God than you had ever been." Yeah, no kidding.

That's it, in a nutshell. All we did was tap into that, really. And I was panicking yesterday because I was getting attached to the details of the situation and I am going in circles again, sorry.

Haha.

Chaos, you have something to say about this?

Nope, you're doing fine by yourself here.

Plus I just want to mention that you are surprisingly stable in the whole spiritual matters thing.

That might have to do with me being considered a god in the past, who knows.

Heheheh.

No really, remember what I wrote in glissando on September 19th? How you're like this absolute angel to me? Here, let me quote: "When it comes to matters of the heart, he is fearless. That has nothing to do with his reservation, or his emotional volatility, or anything like that. I'm talking about when it comes down to the mind versus the heart, when you are torn between your true being and the doubtful voices in your head. I don't think I've ever seen Chaos lose his conviction in that sense."

...

You have a point. Every single time the hope versus hack situations would come up, you wouldn't even slip.

I saw no reason to. There wasn't anything pushing me off center. I didn't know how that hit Jewel, though, and that did worry me a hell of a lot.

This is what brought about our conversation on Sunday, you know.

So I gathered. Sorry about that, by the way.

No offense taken, love. I knew you were only trying to help, and, uh... well, that didn't exactly turn out so badly when you think about it. I just wish I hadn't gotten things mixed up.

At least it set that certain injoke in stone up here.

The AI one?

Well of course.

I'm glad that's solved though, seriously. I can see straight, for sure, in all of those aspects. And so now I'm free to do whatever the heck I want with it, and that is to just walk away and over to this blue alien over here.

You know I'm better than that stuff.

You sure are.

Speaking of. How's the static issue?

I'm not sure. It's not paralyzed anymore and I'm just letting it be for now. It's not something I can discuss downstairs, but I have time to make a decision concerning it.

You're not letting that infect your judgments, are you?

I was. I was, at first. Now I'm not. Now I just accept that it's a problem, but I'm not freaking out or unconsciously spitting fear-based accusations or anything. Thank God.

No kidding. So that's settled too. Nice.

Yeah, today feels beautiful so far.

Speaking of. How far did you two get last night? This morning, rather?

Not too far, Jewel wore himself out way too fast.

Dude, it was 5 in the morning, I was shutting down whether I liked it or not. I seriously felt you kiss me though and that was awesome, just letting you know.

Hey, at least that got through. I think that's an actual first.

Yeah, usually I am too tired to feel a single thing but man, that is pretty noteworthy.

I'm just that good, admit it.

Haha, you are. Plus I cannot look at my background of you right now without freaking melting.

Man, I really am rubbing off on you!

Not like that, haha!

Which background is this now?

The picture I found on Wednesday night. This one. That top right picture of you just... agh, it does stuff to me.

Do tell.

Chaos I told you that I have you memorized. It's actually uncanny that I quite literally have this sense memory of you and you've never even been on this level.

That doesn't mean a thing, you've been close enough to get that several times over the past eight years.

She has a point, wink nudge cough.

Don't you start that up again, CZ.

Hey, I'm not the one who promised me at least an hour of quiet time today.

You think you can get that, Jewel?

Yeah, I'll find a way. I mean it won't be as extreme as October 12th, because I was the only one home that day, but I'll manage something.

When?

As soon as possible, love. That's a promise. I'm not putting this off until tonight or I'll just wear myself out again.

Hey, about that. Is Xenophon doing okay?

Yeah, didn't you speak to her this morning?

For like five minutes, yeah. But I'm wondering what she was like around you.

Completely fine. Worried, sure, but fine. Was she okay when she got up?

She was panicking a little. We didn't exactly leave her on the best note.

Yeah, you'd better believe I apologized profusely to her. I felt really freaking bad after last night.

That was inevitable, though. I really couldn't handle a channel. I was getting a headache every time someone spoke.

Dude, this is what we meant about the bloody exhaustion. After today you'd better take one heck of a break.

I will. I do need to recharge. Things change, remember! I can't stay at a high point forever.

True. Just remember that and stop being such a bleeding perfectionist.

Irony, again?

Maybe. He was the one telling you not to freak out about that for years after all.

And now I'm the one grinning like an idiot every time I see him like that too.

Despite the pain?

Laurie, he's still him no matter what he looks like. I just said that. And yeah, it does hurt, but I still love him absolutely and I can't hide that. Plus, well, I had to kind of get through the Sonic Generations thing before I could really calm down about that.

You were so nervous about that, Jewel, I felt pretty bad.

Sorry. It just hurt, you know. I don't want to fight you like that, not after... not after that fourth incident we were just discussing, actually.

I know.

Hey, I heard you were drawing that out?

I'm trying to. Tragic or not that was one incredible afternoon. And see, this is why Ryman and Markus need to stick around more. They were both there too, and we would not have gotten through that if not for them.

No kidding, Markus is the only reason you were able to reach me.

And Ryman was the only reason I was still conscious at that point, yeah.

Man you're making me miss those two and I don't even know them very bloody well.

Well see, we need to fix that.

Hey, when Markus shows up later to beat the living daylights out of me, I can re-introduce you.

Who the heck wins those fights, anyway?

Aha, no one really.

I crack up every time I remember how those things started.

You would, you were the reason.

Was he really?

Yeah, really. I was a bit too jealous back then, and Markus goes without saying. It was a one-upmanship thing for a while, and then we nearly got into huge trouble because of it, and we decided 'hey, can't we just be friends already?'

Plus I was always like, 'guys, you are allowed to share, there is more than enough of me to go around.'

Pfahaha.

He did! You remember New Year's of 2004, that was brilliant.

You got me twice!

Well yeah, did you expect anything less?

Also that was technically a Friday night.

Nice one.

Man, Markus is going to kill me today, haha.

He'd better not, and he'd better wait until I'm done with you, which is never, but you get the picture.

Yeah, the man can give me a break on my anniversary.

Oh... that reminds me. Karmakanic came on shuffle while I was driving today.

I know, I was singing it.

Your iPod was practically spitting synchronicity at you there, yeah.

"I've been blessed by God, yet I feel forsaken. All to me was given, now it's finally taken." Sounds like the cyclical things we've been going through lately, doesn't it.

The bloody thing was never taken from you, though.

Yeah, but remember what I said about the irony. I was so worried about it that I couldn't tell.

True. Go on.

What, with the lyrics?

Yeah. I know how the rest of it goes.

Can we skip to the last verse, actually? That's... that really sums up today.

"Here at the end, it all begins. This sweet embrace, I feel eternity is near. I'll give myself, myself to you, eternally."

Mm-hmm.

That word just keeps coming up.

What, eternity and all that?

Today is a lemniscate, you know. Sideways 8. Zero equals infinity.

I still can't get over that.

It's true.

You're my other half, and I love you?

Exactly. By the way I didn't say that last night and that actually stung.

Jewel, you didn't need to say it, I felt it loud and clear.

Thank goodness for that.

No, really. You were the one quoting Fantastic Plastic Machine.

Was I?

Yeah. "No need for words tonight."

"Nothing is beyond our reach, we don't even have to speak."

Because when I hold you close to me, I can feel eternity. There's that word again.

Oh darling, if I'm ever blue...

Don't, don't go there, not this fast!

Sorry man. I'll slow down, put the Frank Sinatra back on, take this nice and easy.

Haha.

Don't you start that up in here again, Jewel, we'll never get this closed up.

I was kidding. No way am I going that far while trying to hold a channel, it won't work.

How are you holding up so far anyway? Things clear enough?

Could be clearer, but they're not bad either. I'm sure they'll sharpen up soon enough.

Don't freak out if they don't though.

I won't. I told you I've got that guy mapped. He doesn't ever fade all the way.

Hey, I don't want to be with you through a haze though. That's hard enough.

I know. But believe me, this isn't hazy. It'll work.

Speaking of, maybe we should close this up. It's already almost 3 and you don't want to be up late with all this.

True. Uh... I'm just wondering if I discussed everything I wanted to, as clearly as I wanted to. Basically I just wanted to make sure that last night wasn't completely misinterpreted. Oh, and Melody did have the right idea in telling us not to worry about waiting if we had to, but I don't know if we gave her enough credit.

I think we did. That was discussed.

Okay. Just making sure. Because I was talking to Xennie about this and I just wanted some closure concerning this conversation? I guess. Before tomorrow, of course.

I got your Christmas present right here.

Chaos, we both give ourselves to each other every year, who are you kidding.

Literally or figuratively?

Bows and ribbons-atively, at least up to this point.

Yeah, that's another reason why I've been so focused on this year. 2005 was one thing, but I don't think we did that again until last year, right? I don't even know if we did.

No, last Christmas was surrounded by hack fallouts and online coping methods.

Yeah, now that you mention it...

You two didn't start re-connecting until this January, duh.

Oh. That is true.

With one or two amazing exceptions in 2008, of course.

I don't even think we went all the way, man! Except for maybe the rainbows night. That was amazing for sure.

Regardless of what you two have been up to in the past, today is still the first time all this stuff has lined up in six years. Make the best of it.

Oh we will, we will.

Do you remember what I wrote for this, last year?

Was that on Tumblr?

Yeah. That was this. I guess I just want to reiterate that.

Hm.

Man, Chaos, that's one hell of a grin.

Can you really blame me?

I really should write something else about this year though. Besides lemniscate, and ironically that doesn't even count, that was back in October. Late night poetry, right Laurie?

Dude, yes, that was amazing.

You read this one, right?

Yeah, we all did. That was gorgeous.

That was... one of the clearest times I've ever seen you, Chaos. And it's one of the only times in a long time that my heart has felt that much at once.

Like July 7th, you mean.

Exactly. You know what I'm talking about.

Of course I do.

You two still need to add today to that list. Take your anniversary back from the solar boys.

They didn't steal it, Laurie, we're sharing it.

Still, you can't let them get away with doing that last year and not doing anything yourselves this time around.

Haha, maybe not.

That's pretty good motivation, actually. They're the ones who are responsible for the 'fear principle' after all, right?

Fear can always be conquered by love.

Hey, and what were we just talking about last night.

That, exactly. Man. Everything does line up for us, doesn't it.

I told you you two were important. Now close this thing up and get busy.

You're going to have to give me a few minutes, Laurie. I want to make sure I've got a stable link up and running before I dive into this. Or him, rather.

That's a good idea. And Chaos I see you smirking again.

Just thinking about this morning's injokes is all.

What, about what you have to do?

Heheheh.

Very funny. I'll do you just as well, sweetheart.

Oho, that's some serious talk there.

Yeah and I plan to live up to it.

No ace flirting in the Xanga room, that's a new rule. Close the heck up.

Well, not in that way.

No kidding, not in that way. We had enough of that last night.

Today is just the opposite. Open your heart and it's going to be all right.

Man, they had no idea what they were foreshadowing when they wrote that song.

At this point I think they did, in a way. I dunno. To me it just seems like all the things that link up to you two were meant to in a sense.

That's a given, Laurie.

No, I mean inspiration wise. And not just to you two. I'm sure a lot of people have had synchronicity like this with the same songs and books and stuff, and even things you've never heard of. Point is time isn't linear and I think everything ties together more than even we realize on a daily basis.

I like that. I'm going to have to remember that.

Remember me near, too.

Exactly!

Well Chaos, I daresay it actually is the right time for you to be here, so get over here.

Does Saint Peter recognize you two yet?

Haha, I'm sure he does, after the time we asked for postcards.

And the apartment, don't forget about that.

That is still my absolute favorite injoke.

Hey, that's what I should draw for today!

You have other priorities, kid. Gotta get there first.

Yeah, and don't I know it. But it's a funny thought. Oh, by the way Laurie. You're talking about inspiration in media and all that?

Yeah.

Remember when I started buying all the Archie Sonic issues with Chaos in them? And remember how absolutely stunned I was when, despite not giving him a word of dialogue, everyone still managed to somehow get his attitude right?

Shiiiiz, you can't not get my attitude right, don't be ridiculous.

Yes! Exactly! I swear that is my favorite fanfic, forever, it is amazing. It is the besterest.

You still going to animate that?

Inevitably. But yeah, I remember reading Sonic X issue #29 and laughing like an idiot because Chaos, that face you gave Eggman on page 9 was absolutely perfect.

Pun fully intended, haha!

Page 9? Take a look at page 13, there's more proof for you.

Yeah, no kidding. Oh, and page 28, oh man, that was amazing.

Buddy I will end you.

Hahahaha!

All right Chaos, now you're pushing it.

Come on, it's funny.

Man but it's great. See this is why I need to stop worrying about whether or not I can 'draw you right.' I think it's impossible not to, like Laurie said.

Yeah, now that put you under way too much stress this week.

I try too hard, Laurie, you know that.

And you need to stop that, kid. You know what we said about perfectionism.

And being obtrusive.

Slightly different point, but yeah, that is important.

But yeah, poetry. I do need to write something today. Preferably after... well, after the god of destruction and I accomplish what today is about after all.

That's making me think of July 7th too.

What, the destruction thing? Me too.

Tying everything together for the new year... or whatever we're accomplishing here. But it's big. And it's a new beginning no matter what we say.

It is. I'm honestly looking forward to it very much.

Don't get attached to stereotypically positive things, either. Remember everything has a greater purpose here.

Dude, that was in your inbox this morning!

What was?

Stereotypically positive things. "The night also is thine." Light and dark both tie into something bigger. I think that's the point you were missing, Jewel, concerning yesterday.

Yeah, it is, actually. Thanks.

No problem. But there's more synchronicity. What's the other one that came with it?

"Friend, go up higher." Change that fear to reverence and remember that all around you is infinite love.

Geez, they sent you a literal instruction book, didn't they.

Hahahaha!

To an extent? Not like we need it, though, we practically wrote the thing.

We did.

Man, but that's what I was honestly afraid today was going to be like. Not in a scared sense, just nervously. I mean, 2005, dude now that was going in blind. "Hey, let's get spiritually married to this water monster on the spot, that shouldn't be too difficult..."

"Hey yeah, you do know what that entails, right?"

"No, enlighten me."

Cue the interspecies makeouts.

Laurie, you are insane.

Hey, it's true!

That's beside the point.

Not really, love. We were both pretty clueless. "Uh, this is kind of a big deal, are you sure we're doing this right?"

Dude, you were the fearless one back then, you just jumped right in and I was honestly flipping out because "oh man this really is a big deal I have no idea what's going to happen," and then you got to me and there went the next few hours.

Gloriously so.

Oh yeah, you're telling me. Soul forms all the way, right?

Are you two going to get that far today or what?

Who knows? Depends on whether or not those are still activated that way.

Yeah, that's a good question, with how they've changed. But we can find out, wink nudge cough.

I knew I'd get to you eventually.

All right, that's perfect for closing this up, I'm out of here.

So are we, hitting the stratosphere.

Emotionally?

No kidding, I told you you hit like a freight train.

Sorry about that.

Don't apologize, it's worth it.

Guys.

What?

You're losing time that you could be using for something else.

Ah, but I thought we had eternity going for us today.

Not if you don't get that sunglasses-wearing Celebi out of this channel you won't.

Take today's 8, flip it turn-ways.

Zero equals infinity.

That's you, man.

Looks like I've got some serious talk to live up to today, too.

Nah, I think the talk is just trying to live up to you.

Is it really?

I sure think so.

Yeah, you would know.

I'd like to remember it better though. Remind me.

I need you, I miss you.

But you're always there, aren't you?

Sure am.

I think it's time to stop taking that for granted.

Sounds good to me.

Seriously, you up for this?

Why wouldn't I be? This is about us, remember.

There's that other word again.

I know how you feel, I'm feeling it too.

I hold my heart, I dream of you... I see your face, I feel it too.

And you waited long enough for that, didn't you.

Yeah, I did.

I love you.

I know. I love you too, more than words can say.

And what did we say about that?

We don't need 'em.

No we don't. So get over here and tell me how you feel.

I think you already know.

Remind me.

Haha, if you insist.

I do insist.

Chaos, I'm starting to catch sparks, seriously.

Good. That's what I'm going for.

How about you?

Already got them.

From me?

Obviously.

...I don't know, man, you're really winding me up today.

Well that is your line, J.

I know. But I've grown out of that role. Remember what you told me, Chaos. No matter what my face or name may be, I'm still me. You're still you.

And we're still us.

I know. I miss what that feels like, completely.

It's still there whether we do this or not, remember.

I know that too, but... I miss you too, still. Maybe it's not even missing it. Maybe it's just... needing to express that again. I don't know.

Do the details really matter? I miss you too. I've waited a long time for this.

What, today specifically?

I guess. But you brought up October 11th, and... it's been a while.

It has. Hey, did Laurie leave?

Yeah, she walked out on us earlier, go figure.

Psh. You know, I do appreciate that she cares so much.

Obviously.

Well yeah, but... I guess that's just moving to me, like we are to her.

Goes both ways, huh.

It does. Chaos, I love you, I really do.

I know.

I guess I'm just feeling that a lot right now. I think I really do need this as much as you do.

No kidding?

Haha, yeah.

Don't get nervous, come on.

I'm not nervous.

You feel nervous.

Do I?

Yeah. Not much, but it's there.

It's first-time-in-too-long jitters, I'll get over it.

Heh. You'd better.

Do you get that?

...Kind of.

Because now I'm remembering July 15th. The homesickness, and... how you looked at me.

...

You don't have any walls up, do you?

Jewel, I... I don't know. I think I'm more scared than I'd like to admit.

Of what?

Opening up. All the way, rather. I just... last night, you were scared because of how much you feel from me. I don't want to overload you. I know I won't hurt you, but...

Then why are you scared?

...I'm not sure.

Chaos, you won't hurt me, I promise. Remember what I said.

I can't forget that, Jewel, I can't ever forget that.

...That didn't count as an incident, did it?

I don't know what it was. But it hurt, too much.

...I guess that's what it felt like for you, when I'd slip completely out of awareness, huh.

...I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. Yeah, that was one of the most painful memories I have, but... it turned out for the best. Everything does. Even the night is bright, remember?

Yeah... Jewel, I don't know why I'm still nervous.

So you are nervous!

Heh, yeah. Maybe I'm picking it up from you, I don't know.

Then I'll try not to be nervous. I just... Chaos, I don't know if we should do this right now. Like not this instant. But I don't want to lose this connection.

We're not that far yet, Jewel.

You know what I mean. If I get a few inches closer we're there, man.

...

Guess it's just been a while for both of us, huh.

Yeah.

I really don't get what the nerves are for. Maybe it's just with the pain.

Maybe. June 27th was... well. It worried me.

I think I can handle this now.

You think. I don't want to risk anything.

Chaos, I just told you, we're not risking anything.

...Do you think Laurie was right? About this 'purification' thing? That this is going to somehow fix all the pain you've been through?

...I hope so. I'm a little tired of that ache by now.

I think you're more than a little tired, Jewel. I think you're exhausted.

That's kind of what yesterday was about, yeah.

...

Chaos, please, I can't write this down.

Wait, you're still holding a full channel open?

Two of them, technically.

And we're getting this far?

Apparently.

Wow.

Hahaha.

No, Laurie was right. You are stronger than you were on the 16th and this is honestly surprising.

What if I shatter?

...Do you think you're going to?

I don't know. Strangely it feels like I'm holding together, despite this. Like maybe I won't fall apart, it'll just... resonate. Like if the tidal wave didn't hit a cathedral window, but a bell or something.

Didn't you compare this to a bell before?

Kind of. It was in a Scribbld entry. The question was, "what takes your breath away," and--

Heh.

Yeah, you do. But my answer was that you and Laurie do that.

Both of us?

Yeah. I answered, "I'm fragile and they're just... you know how sometimes, with bells and similar instruments, you have to hit it at just the exact spot for it to really ring? It's like that, with my heart. They put me to music."

...Wow.

So there's the bells. But I'm the one who's ringing. You're the tidal wave. Unless you want to go far enough to flip and switch roles, because I'm completely up for that too.

Your call, Jewel.

Actually, I think Laurie has a point. Stunning feat of concentration or not, I really should close up this entry, and just... spend time with you.

How much time?

Enough time.

Haha, no, really.

I'd say eternity but that's a given.

Yeah, it is.

Does that strike you as amazing or what?

Hm?

The eternity thing. Us. Maybe it's just because of how much I look up to you, with how amazing and beautiful you are to me. Maybe it's just because of how many other people know you, but... but somehow I was blessed enough to be with you, to be this close to you, to love you and to know you love me back. That is the most amazing thing in the world, maybe in the universe, to me. That you, you, are what allows me to feel life at it's truest level. You are the single reason why I can love like I do. It's you.

You don't think I look up to you just as much?

You do?

I do. God knows I do, a thousand times over. I... yesterday I told you that I can't forget 2003, and I mean that. "What are you doing?" Heh. Man. I don't know what I was doing.

...

I was lost is what. Totally, completely lost. And then you showed up. You remember how scared I was, when you gave me this Ruby! I was terrified! I didn't believe there was a single glimmer of hope in me, there was nothing to look forward to, and then you told me that you trusted me more than anyone else. I... that broke my heart, Jewel. That broke me to pieces and then you put me back together again, better than I could have dreamed.

Creation and destruction, huh.

Death and rebirth. Guess that's what our daughter personifies.

Well definitely. She is absolutely incredible.

It blows my mind that we brought her here. It really does.

Look who's talking, man, I'm the one that found her here. I thought she was dead at first. It really scared me.

You were kind of dead inside at the time, too. Maybe that was the real starting point for everything.

No, that was January 16th.

Heh, yeah... but... really, so much has happened this year. It's incredible.

I just realized, how long have we been talking by ourselves?

A while.

That's kind of funny. But do go on.

No, I was just thinking of how much we've seen and felt and learned since that day. It's incredible.

It is. Not the sort of thing you can really comprehend in words. Well, you know. Logic. Solid concepts. The deepest truths of this need to be felt.

Are you going poetic?

Partially? I'm not quite sure.

Oh man, you are. Don't quit, keep going.

Haha, how?

I don't know, just don't think about it. Look at me. Let me be the inspiration I apparently always am.

That's not that hard.

So I've heard. You did say you wanted to write something about today.

I can't stop smiling though. I love you so much. This is amazing.

Really?

Yeah, really! I told you how amazing you are, we are. I actually get to be with you here. I actually... do you know how much I missed you?

Yeah.

I do. I really do.

...

I could say 'I love you' a thousand times and it wouldn't measure up. It wouldn't. This is too strong.

I know.

I'd say you feel like a hurricane, but that was an old poem. You feel different now.

Like what?

Like... you know how oceans look, early in the morning, from in a city? Like the one in our headspace? Just... quiet, with the sun shining in soulfire, everything sparkling. It's ancient, but it's completely new.

You get a second chance every second.

You do. Can I... can I kiss you?

Go right ahead, please.

I, um... I think maybe I should close this up first.

That's probably a good idea.

...All right. I'm just shaking, and my heart is feeling too much directly for you so I can't channel it into poetry, I'm sorry.

Hey, remember what we said about words.

Don't need 'em?

Not a single one.

That's not my native language anyway.

Je t'aime, je t'aimerai toujours.

Oh man you really did just go there.

I'm a little partial to veiling sentiments in foreign tones.

We're going to quote that poem of mine forever, aren't we.

Forever isn't long at all, when I'm with you.

Just lasts a moment, doesn't it?

Ironically.

Paradoxically.

Well, we are an impossibility.

Define impossible, darling.

It means too awesome for most people to handle.

Haha, maybe, just maybe.

But really, Jewel... thank you.

For?

Everything. This. This especially.

You don't need to thank me, love.

Maybe not. But you deserve to hear it nevertheless.

I deserve better?

You deserve... me.

And what do you know, we've finally proven that statement to be beautifully true.

We have.

I love you.

I love you too, but please, just close this up already, you are driving me mad here.

Sorry, Chaos.

Don't apologize, there's nothing to apologize for.

...

Yeah, I'm remembering the 29th too.

I don't regret that, actually.

I don't either.

I understand all of that now. All of it. In a weird way it reminds me of when Madoka made that wish that transcended every dark thing that came before.

She's an angel of hope too, you know.

Coincidence?

I think not.

Remember that dream I had, too.

I thought you were the time-traveler.

I am. But look at how many worlds you're in.

So are you.

Still. I never gave up hope and now here we are. Maybe one day we'll have something even greater than this.

Man, I hope so.

But I'll be with you no matter what.

Even if you can't see or hear me, I'll always be with you.

Yeah.

Don't you dare friendzone me, though.

Haha, dude, we are in it way too far for that to ever happen.

Yeah, and thank God for that too.

Man we are referencing everything tonight, aren't we.

Tonight? Jewel, it's not even 5 in the afternoon.

It feels like tonight. It's that peaceful, I guess. I didn't think I'd be able to get this.

Well, here you are, and am I ever glad to see you.

Tell me about it.

But really, we need to close this up. You still haven't kissed me.

I'm too busy obsessing over your fangs.

Haha, you always do.

That and your eyes.

...

Chaos, you are absolutely gorgeous, you know that?

Only because you never let me forget.

You shouldn't. You are absolutely beautiful. Even in your 6th form, remember, I still go absolutely wild over you.

Hahaha, yeah, I remember that.

But it's the truth. That's not going to change, ever. And I'm not just talking about the physical. Sure you are incredible in that respect but that's not what matters at the end of the day. That's not what I'm focusing on when I close my eyes and all I have is the memory of what you feel like.

It's the icing on the cake though.

Yeah, so to speak, but you are what I'm feeling right now. Maybe in a way our forms reflect our souls, who knows.

Mine does, remember.

I... yeah, I do, actually. In any case we're both beyond words when it gets deep enough.

I'm still waiting for that.

You are. So am I.

That enough dialogue for you to end this?

Maybe. I'm not sure why I'm putting it off. I think I just want to remember this.

I don't blame you.

Chaos, I love you. I cannot even begin to tell you how today makes me feel, but that sums it up clearly enough.

Words, Jewel.

Yeah, I'm trying too hard, aren't I.

You are.

...

Jewel?

Yeah?

Shut up and kiss me.