march 13 2016

[prismaticbleed]

my grandmother wants me to stop being a christian and I WANT TO SCREAM

I WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY WHY GOD WHY

this is the biggest struggle I want to WEEP AND WAIL she wont STOP

SHE TOLD ME TO STOP READING THE BIBLE

SHE SAYS I PRAY TOO MUCH

WHAT IS GOING ON

GOD HELP ME, WHY, WHY, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, WHY, WHY HER,


I don't understand, what am I doing wrong, I just want to be good

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


@12:06 AM


I’ve been doing a LOT of religious research over the past few weeks (I literally have 40 tabs open in Chrome right now), and I'm getting a little scared-- about my family.

Since childhood, I've kept the entirety of Matthew 19 in my head… the bit about marriage, the bit about riches, the bit about little children… the bit about family.
"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife^[e] or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."

I think… well, I always wondered about it, apprehensively so, but… I was never sure if I'd ever literally be called upon to do that.

I think I might have to.


The Roman Catholic church is very corrupt, despite the truth it is entrusted with. I've known that in my heart for years, but lately it's been backed up by MANY sources, the most impeccable of which is Scripture itself. The Revelation of John all but spells it out.

…My grandmother has been saying things to me lately about faith that just aren't sitting well with me.
She's been insisting that God doesn't chastise people, when I say I feel I'm "being punished," and although that is rather incorrect wording (it's RECIPROCITY and I'm being called out on being an idiot so I can stop being one), she keeps telling me there's "no such thing as punishment?"

She's telling me to stop reading the Bible because it's "making me too paranoid"



(unfinished)