01. 02. 25

[prismaticbleed]

(uncensored. we're not sure who wrote it but we're leaving it unedited for their sake.)





I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER THE EATING DISORDER SOMAFONI
LISTEN WE LOST TEN FUCKING HOURS TODAY TO THEIR BULLSHIT

and you know what the scariest thing is?

NO ONE CAN ACCESS THE DATA.
IT'S SHEER TRAUMA DATA.
LITERALLY NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO EVEN LOOK AT IT THAT'S HOW HORRIFIC THIS REGISTERS.

Julie even said what they're doing is LITERAL, EXPLICIT ABUSE FORCING.
WHAT THE HELL
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS GOING ON HERE

we thought they were just... acting on starvation triggers. thanks to tbhu & upmc fallout, the force-feeding trauma there.
but NO
APPARENTLY IT'S WORSE,
THE MAIN DAMN REASON THIS EATING DISORDER KEEPS COMING BACK IS BECAUSE, AS TODAY PROVED QUITE HORRIFICALLY, IT IS A LITERAL TRAUMATIC EVENT.
AND OUR BRAIN KEEPS TRYING TO PERPETUATE TRAUMA.

WHY?????!?!??!?!

WHAT THE HELL GUYS
WHY DOES SOMEONE ALWAYS END UP FORCING US INTO SITUATIONS THAT MAKE THE TRAUMA WORSE
OR FORCE US TO EXPLICITLY RELIVE PAST TRAUMA
WHY CAN'T WE HEAL OR LET GO
WHY DO WE ALWAYS SEEM TO "NEED" MORE BLOOD AND SCREAMING AND PAIN AND NIGHTMARES AND EXISTENTIAL TERROR AND WANTING TO FUCKING DIE

SOMEONE LITERALLY CONSIDERED FORCING HACKS LAST WEEK.
I AM FUCKING SERIOUS
THAT IS INSANITY
and yet, there it was,
literally they were thinking "maybe THIS will stop the eating disorder relapses" but WHY WOULD IT??
BECAUSE IT'S TRAUMATIC. BECAUSE IT'S HORRIFYING AND IT MAKES US WANT TO DIE.
THE BULIMIC HELLS DO THE SAME DAMN THING.
except hacks don't drain our bank account.
BULL SHIT THAT'S NOT A VALID REASON TO SHIFT THE DAMN ABUSE METHOD
we're so damn tired though. it's literally not even about food. it's about abuse
IT'S ABOUT DESTRUCTION TOO. WE'VE NOTICED THIS. THE FOOD AND THE MONEY AND THE BODY. THE E.D. IS ALL ABOUT DESTROYING THINGS. IT'S SO FUCKING VIOLENT IT'S HONESTLY TERRIFYING
do you think it would stop if we.... you know, if we let the retributors or someone go back to just bloodying up the body
GOOD LUCK GETTING KNIFE TO PICK UP HIS NAMESAKE FOR THAT PURPOSE AGAIN. OR RAZOR. THEY DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT TIME PERIOD. THEY HAVE TRAUMA TOO I BET.
yeah but there's gotta be someone who is still willing and able to slice us up, who's been doing the atonement lately?
I DON'T KNOW ACTUALLY. CANNON BLOODLINE CORE I THINK.
really? well there you go, give her a blade and let her go to work
YOU REALLY THINK THAT WILL STOP THE BULIMIC SOMAFONI.
esthiofoni
YEAH BUT I'M FOCUSED ON THE DESTRUCTIVE ASPECT ARE WE TAKING THAT INTO ACCOUNT?
you're right it's not even eating half the time. most of the time
ALL OF THE TIME. IT'S EITHER ANNIHILATION OR ABUSE
good point
SO ARE THEY STILL "ESTHIOS" OR DO WE NEED NEW JARGON.
we'll have to ask the kardis, only they can make that call
ANYWAY I'M JUST GONNA CALL THEM ABUSERS. BITCHES. DEVILS. THAT'S WHAT THEY REALLY ARE
are they? if they're foni then there's a real solid chance they might not actually be evil
...THAT'S TRUE.
like why are they forcing THEMSELVES to relive traumatic events via food.
IT'S POISON HALF THE TIME
all of the time. suicidal too
OH I KNOW IT'S TERRIFYING. LITERAL DEATH RISK FROM WHAT THEY'RE MAKING THE BODY EAT. FUCKING TERRIFYING.
that's the whole point. oh shit that's the point
WHAT?
suicide. do you think maybe they just want the body to die
WOULD THAT REQUIRE FORCING IT TO RELIVE RAPE EVENTS.
that would merit suicide, so maybe.
DEAR GOD IT'S ALL JUST TRAUMA PROCESSING AFTER ALL, CENTRAL WAS RIGHT
how the hell is forcing trauma going to help us process it.
ASK THAT QUESTION OF THE SAME DAMN PEOPLE WATCHING SHIT ONLINE LATELY
oh. good point.
FOR SOME REASON THERE IS A TREND OF "US" JUST... NOT BEING ABLE TO STOP EXPOSING OUR EXISTENCE TO HELLS OVER AND OVER AGAIN. MAKING THINGS WORSE. UNABLE TO LET GO AND BE HAPPY.
happiness is labeled as a crime i've heard
WHY
we're slipping
I CAN FEEL IT. I GUESS THIS ISN'T OUR TOPIC TO DISCUSS
note it for someone else

HOW DO WE STOP THIS.
can we? isn't that Central's job?
THAT CANNON-CORE HAS BEEN MAD AT GOD LATELY. BECAUSE OF THIS. WANTING HIM TO STOP IT AND HE WON'T.
apparently there's something we need to learn from it then
SARCASM.
no just bitter. i can empathize with the anger. it's fear and confusion i'm sure. that's the natural response to this.
THE HACKS WERE LIKE THAT TOO I'VE HEARD
oh i bet. "god please make it stop" and it takes what, ten fucking years?
I DON'T KNOW
but shit i guess things worked out somehow. i don't know.
JULIE'S ON OUR SIDE. SO THEY DID.
true
BUT I DON'T SEE ANYTHING REDEMPTIVE ABOUT LETTING THIS EATING DISORDER CONTINUE BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY MURDERING US.
i know it's bullshit but if it really is tied into this trauma perpetuation thing maybe this is... i dunno maybe that's "why" God hasn't stopped it yet.
WHAT, LIKE IT HAD TO GET THIS BAD AGAIN BEFORE WE'D REALIZE WHAT'S BEHIND IT?
possibly. i mean tbhu apparently taught us a lot? i don't know but there's a whole tablet full of stuff they apparently learned.
LIKE WHAT
dude i have no clue i don't have that data, i don't know who does
THE TABLET DOES
well then once they upload it we all will. but that's off topic, the point is that apparently this STOPPED for eight solid weeks. somehow. and someone else was in charge. but it fell apart at the end.
THE FAMILY MADE IT RELAPSE IMMEDIATELY
shit i forgot about the family
AND THAT DAMNED HOUSE. THAT DAMNED TRAUMA SINKHOLE OF A HOUSE
do you think that's playing into this trauma forcing thing??
SHIT MAYBE. OH HELL THAT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE
don't we fucking shift every time we're up there? like who the hell even fronts in that environment? with the mother?
I DON'T THINK WE EVEN KNOW
and they're abusive
THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY ABUSIVE, THEY'RE CUT OFF FROM THE REST OF US
but do they have trauma memories? no, obviously not, they're a social. so... are they just there as a buffer? or something?
ACTING ON THE TRAUMA WITHOUT FEELING IT THEMSELVES?
yeah. like... oh shit i just got data?
WHAT?
someone said it's "like a drug high." like the e.d. behavior with the mother is literally to numb the brain with panic? and terror?
THAT'S IRONIC. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK.
because the trauma makes consciousness shut down
OH. SHIT.
like someone did at cnc. and slc. the only "drug" we had apparently. the only abuse method and suicide analogue we had as well.
NO I KNOW FOR A FACT THERE WERE REAL ATTEMPTS IN BOTH THOSE LOCATIONS.
true. but the e.d. was tied to that. like it was killing ourself without killing ourself.
AND THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THE TRAUMA?
just like with the mother. the situations are all way too similar apparently
SO WE STILL WANT TO DIE?
no. someone does, on the somafoni level apparently. physical. acting on body memories i guess
WE'RE SLIPPING REALLY BAD
i know we're even getting information on this that's insane
MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP BEFORE WE LOSE OUR SENSES OF SELF TOO
yeah we don't have much of those to begin with. but at least we wrote stuff down for people, high five
HECK YEAH
at least we're still alive
ALL OF US?
yeah. the e.d. and the trauma haven't killed us yet
THERE IS NO "YET" THERE. THEY DON'T GET THE RIGHT TO KILL US. ANY OF US.
they tried. they succeeded in some cases
BULL SHIT. YOU THINK THE CORES WILL LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THAT?
haha no. you're right. jay fights like hell against hell.
HE DOES. SO DO THE JEWELS AND CANNONS. ALL THE KARDIFONI DO. THAT'S THEIR JOB. LOVE AND LIFE.
they're probably so pissed at these eating disorder people
NO THEY'RE HEARTBROKEN MOSTLY.
really?
YEAH, DUH. NO SOMAFONI WOULD DO THAT UNLESS THEY WERE DEVASTATINGLY BROKEN
so even you swearing up the wall at them, you recognize that?
I CAN ADMIT IT MAKES SENSE. I MEAN YOU DON'T DO THAT SHIT UNLESS YOU'RE SCREWED UP BAD. BUT I'M STILL PISSED AS HELL AT THEM ALL. AND I'D KILL 'EM IF I COULD. BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT'S NOT SMART OR POSSIBLE. UNFORTUNATELY.
yeah murdering foni never ends well. historically. for anyone.
GOOD POINT. IF THERE'S A STUPID DAMN REASON WHY THEY'RE DOING THIS THEN SOMEONE ELSE WOULD TAKE THEIR PLACE.
...do you want to test that
SHIT YES I DO. BUT LIKE I SAID, DON'T KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.
why
I DON'T HAVE A BODY, DO I? AND I'M NOT ON THEIR LEVEL EITHER. PLUS THEY DON'T HAVE INTERNAL FORMS. THEY'RE IN THE BODY. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL A SOMAFONI.
they're doing a pretty damn good job of that themselves
THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT. SADLY. AND ANGRILY, KILLING US IN THE PROCESS.
do they even realize that?
I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE, PROBABLY NOT, THEY THINK LIKE SINGLETS
some of them do
THE WORST OF THEM DO.
i've heard that some of them are aware of the System at large though. and talk to Central. like Julie was apparently helping one of them today
YEAH BECAUSE THE TRAUMA TRIGGERED HER OUT WHICH IS FUCKING INSANE.
...still, it shows that there's hope there, i guess.
YEAH YOU'RE RIGHT. IF JULIE HADN'T SHOWED UP AND INSISTED THAT THEY STOP DOING WHAT THEY WERE DOING, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY WOULD HAVE DONE
no kidding. jeez. that's a scary thought. it could've been worse
YEAH JUST LOOK AT THE OLD DAYS DATA. "TILLY" DAYS. SHE WAS FUCKING NUTS.
she was a thriskefoni, how the hell was she perpetuating the eating disorder?
I DUNNO, MAYBE SHE WASN'T, I'M SURE THERE WERE ESTHIOS IN THE WORKS THERE TOO, BUT TILLY DIDN'T HELP AT ALL
i know nothing about her
I ONLY KNOW WHAT I'M TELLING YOU. BARE BONES DATA. BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
who the hell was responsible for e.d. behavior in cnc btw? does anybody know?
ZUCCH? JASON? THOSE ARE THE NAMES I'M GETTING. TAUREIA? A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
geez i know nothing about that
NEITHER DO I. NO ONE HAS LOOKED AT THE DATA IN YEARS. LITERALLY SINCE IT WAS WRITTEN
maybe we should
DEFINITELY WE SHOULD. IF ANYONE WAS TRYING TO TRAUMATIZE US FURTHER VIA FOOD IT WAS DEFINITELY IN CNC.
yeah no kidding, that's when we were actively suicidal, even i know that
AND YET SOMEHOW NO ONE REALIZED IT OUTSIDE.
that's kind of the point, isn't it?
APPARENTLY, SADLY, YEAH.
self-annihilation but cut off from the rest of the people fronting. that happened today, didn't it?
YEAH WITH THE TOTAL MEMORY LOSS. LIKE I SAID THE CANNON-CORE WAS PISSED. AND SCARED TO DEATH OF COURSE. LITERALLY "CAME TO" AND LOOKED AT THE CLOCK AND WAS LIKE "WHAT THE HELL, IT WAS JUST 3PM, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE PAST 10 HOURS GO"
how the hell are you getting this data
IT'S BEING MADE AVAILABLE TO ME. THERE'S A DATA FEED ON SOME STUFF IF YOU REACH UP FOR IT.
really? nice. the archivists?
NO THE... HELMET GIRL?
huh
NO NAME. I'VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE. SHE'S NOT NEW THOUGH.
well tell her thank you because otherwise i don't think anyone else would be writing this down
THAT'S OUR JOB I GUESS
are we done?
MAYBE I GUESS HOLY SHIT IT'S 3AM
yeah that's probably our curtain call. hey thanks for talking with me about this. glad we can at least help everyone else in whatever way we can.
HEY YOU TOO. SORRY WE'VE BEEN SLIPPING SO BAD
that's to be expected. we're blurry. we're grafifoni to boot, we're bound to blur with datafeeds and all that. gonna take time to figure ourselves out
AT LEAST IN THE MEANTIME WE'RE STILL DOING GOOD WORK
yeah, that means a lot.
IT DOES. THANKS FOR BEING HERE
you too