prismaticbleed | SELF-COMPASSION WORKBOOK: SELF-CARE

1. Describe how you can practice self-compassion with your inner voice.

Acknowledge the VALIDITY of critical/ angry/ bitter nousfoni voices, and BE SOFT & GENTLE TO THEM!
Discern and practice encouraging statements: be encouraging & supportive, not harsh & critical, to ALL.
Actively practice a gentler, more tender quality of tone-- sing with your heart, talk to your beloveds aloud, practice saying kind phrases to nousfoni who need to hear them, so I can also say the same to those around me in the outerworld
TRY to de-weaponize touch?? Write down ideas of what would feel safe? Don't think too hard; go with the damaged deep-down child responses. Practice paying attention to normal sensory input in safe, solitary, everyday life, to normalize the typical experience of physical sensory input in the first place.

2. List five positive attributes about yourself. What are five things about yourself that you value and know to be true in your wise mind? (These attributes must be RELIABLE= THEY DO NOT WAVER EVEN IN CRISIS!!)

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTE = my scars. They are "retribution" and proof that I WAS CONTRITE, AND cared DEEPLY about "making things right again". They are also proof of the System, of both our shared pain and our shared love, beyond all doubt.
CHARACTER TRAIT = HOPE; my determination to love & learn & grow; my deep desire to help others even when it's difficult; always want to be brave & honest; inherent spirituality and shockingly tenacious faith
ACCOMPLISHMENT = The Leagueworlds: all their literature, art, and music, including the vast portfolio of imaginative outpouring from childhood that we have long since forgotten or lost (its impact and historical reality still matter); the poetry & creative writing & journals I have written; my singing at church?
RELATIONSHIP = How much I love/d and took care of grandma; the absolute committed-against-all-odds love I have with Chaos 0 AND Laurie
OTHER = I am part of the Spectrum; I am a child of God; I am my mother's daughter; I am part of humanity and I AM worthy of LOVE

3. Describe what you can do to create a kind environment.

PUT UP PICTURES/ PHOTOS OF FAMILY/ BELOVEDS, especially in trigger spaces-- "DO IT FOR THEM' recovery motivation!!
Rearrange my apartment so I feel SAFE & "AT HOME" in it; reject "expectations"/ "obligations"!! ONLY DO/ USE WHAT "FEELS RIGHT"-- FOR THE ENTIRE SYSTEM!!!
Get one or two little things that CLEARLY reflect my personal aesthetic/ vibe? Go through Etsy and find something; light/ rainbows/ hearts/ jewels come to mind.
DO SYSTEM "DATES"-- have movie nights, go out with Genesis, befriend the Socials?? Honestly MAKE OUR DAILY LIFE "OURS." Actively acknowledge and LIVE AS "US."

4. Practice radical self-acceptance. What can you practice accepting?

My inclination to like quiet & keeping mostly to myself? Yes, I LOVE PEOPLE, but I need serious time to recharge, cannot talk for long without crashing, and require SOME distance at all times to not burn out!
My "ineptitude" in art/ music/ writing; I feel like a perpetual amateur, doomed to inadequacy and irrelevance when all I WANT to do is GIVE AND SHARE that LOVE & JOY!! Ironically that's what kids are the best at-- and that's the level I'm "stuck" at!
My tendency to be "passive aggressive" and avoid confrontation/ offense; I feel like a coward and a backstabber, and have been accused as such. But I just don't want to hurt or insult anyone, OR exacerbate any self-worth issues THEY may have!
My impulses to "show off," "prove myself," "entertain/ educate," etc. Deep down I hope I'm just trying to be useful, adequate, someone who CAN help and would be ALLOWED to??

5. Describe how you can practice turning your mind to deeply like yourself (for example, how you can turn your mind from a negative self-judgment to a compassionate fact).

"I don't do enough for other people" → "I always want to do good for others, and WILL do what I can according to my current means; I DO care"
"I complain too much" → "I am in touch with my pain and have a strong protective instinct. I am still learning that it is SAFE to sit with pain and discomfort at times."
"I'm not religious enough" → "I DO love God and my faith is the true north of my life. Scrupulosity won't "make me holy" OR "get me into heaven." Jesus alone does; my only job is to LOVE with HIS LOVE."
"I'm a selfish coward" → "Trauma history makes me hesitate. As I recover, I will become more able TO courageously act on the honest love I DO feel and WANT to give to others."

SELF-COMPASSION EXERCISE

1. If your emotions are unbalanced and impulsive, your perspective rigid and one-sided, and your mind closed to alternatives, how can you be more mindful?

Don't obsess over future plans OR feel required to "perpetuate / relive" the past; "step out of head" & OBSERVE emotions honestly; ASK & LISTEN to EVERYONE in the System equally; write pros/cons lists?; don't go out in public without a list & schedule to prevent mania BUT do ONE little unplanned GOOD THING that's NOT a purchase DAILY?? Journal mindful eating? Regularly do "observation meditations"; SLOW DOWN!!

2. If you are obsessed with and fixated on what's wrong, unable to trust yourself, how can you take a step back and be less obsessed?

Find ways to fix, or even TRANSMUTE, what is "wrong" into a RIGHT situation? Rely on GOD to "fill up" where I am inevitably, humanly inadequate-- "His Grace & Power are made perfect IN OUR weakness"!! Look at the bigger picture: COMMUNITY/ ETERNITY focus instead; surrender to WHAT IS, all under God's control, and COOPERATE/ FLOW with it WILLINGLY; do your moral best BUT always pray and ONLY trust GOD. Trusting in Him allows us TO act, although prone to sin, for we HOPE in His MERCY to help us!

3. Failure, struggle, and feelings of inadequacy are a part of the human condition. How do you remind yourself that you are part of the whole?

CONNECT SAFELY WITH OTHERS (IN A COMMUNITY CONTEXT-- NOT "ONE ON ONE"; NO SELF-OBSESSION); JOIN an online and/or local group/community for something I'm LEGIT PASSIONATE ABOUT; connect more with local parishes; VOLUNTEER; HAGIOGRAPHIES; read Scripture verses about Christian community & the Kingdom of God; read personal devotionals and testimonies; write about my struggles & failures & share them somehow?? REMEMBER HOW THE ARCHIVES HELPED PEOPLE!!!

4. If you feel separate and cut off from the rest of the world, thinking everyone else has it better or easier, what can you do to decrease isolation now?

TALK TO THE SYSTEM YOU GOOF. YOU'RE NEVER ALONE; THEY ALWAYS CARE & UNDERSTAND & WANT TO HELP YOU!! GO TO MASS; visit dad; call mom AND regularly help her out up the house; chill at the library? Even stop by a local restaurant?? SIT OUTSIDE WITH THE NEIGHBORS! Get active in a HEALTHY online community, ESPECIALLY with faith/ art/ fandoms!

5. If you are not loving, kind, or tender towards yourself, refusing to show yourself patience or understanding, what can you do to increase self-kindness?

AGAIN, TALK TO THE SYSTEM. Legit hold Xanga sessions regularly to DISCUSS & EXPRESS our difficulties & hurts & fears & problems. Remember to "love your neighbor as YOURSELF." Remember how much GOD loves you-- remember Jesus, AND mom, AND Laurie & Chaos 0 & Mister Sandman & Genesis & Infinitii & SO MANY OTHERS. Read the letters you have saved. Print out archive snippets of LOVE TOWARDS YOU and pin them up everywhere. Remember how much you loved grandma, and remember how she ALWAYS told you to treat yourself just as compassionately.

6. If your are disapproving, intolerant, impatient, tough, and coldhearted towards yourself, what can you do to decrease self-judgment?

WRITE IT OUT. Vent the pain & tears & fear & frustration & regret & RAGE. Let EVERYONE talk, and then RESPOND IN LOVE. Remember that YOU ARE NOT GOD and you WILL slip & stumble & hurt yourself & others UNINTENTIONALLY. Every human being does. BUT. Please, see EVERY injury as something to be kissed better. Transmute that pain with compassion. "Defeat evil WITH GOOD." OPEN YOUR HEART. "Forgive us our sins and we forgive others' sins." ALL THROUGH JESUS!! ONLY HE CAN JUDGE YOU, AND HE DOESN'T. THAT'S LOVE.

Final notes:

+ ADMIT WHEN IT HURTS. Do NOT deny pain OR TRY TO "LIKE IT"!!
+ Similarly, ADMIT STRUGGLE, NO PROUD DENIAL of human weakness!!
+ "We all struggle in our lives" = I AM PART OF THE "ALL"!! You aren't a reject!
+ Find the words that YOU NEED in your times of suffering. DON'T PARROT ANYTHING BLINDLY.
+ Forgive yourself, too.