blm poetry

[prismaticbleed]

 

 

 

Mel wrote some short poetry based on Black Light Machine, last year.
They sent those two poems to me early yesterday morning, after the honestly horrific experience that was Friday, and as I re-read them in that contrite haze, I realized that they held much more personal symbolism for me than I initially recognized.
Of course the original song is very close to my heart at this point, but you'd be surprise what a little re-imagining can do.


Stranger in the black light
hiding misplaced faces
always fading, never ending.

The opening line makes me think of last Saturday, with the tar. I'm an anomaly, a 'stranger,' and for as long as I can remember I've been walking in a strange black light. It's bright and dark at the same time, and it makes things glow so unusually, even in the dead of night.
The next two lines make me think of my personality struggles in the past. When I was younger, I would constantly make new 'egos' for myself. I would fabricate entire personalities and cycle through them, always trying to amuse or please people, but never feeling honest or real. The faces were misplaced.
The fading bit is about me, though. Last week, Mel told me that the 'fire' I give off, that sort of innate brightness, waxes and wanes depending on my emotional state. So in that sense, I really do fade in and out, whether I like it or not... but that fire never goes out completely. It can't, by it's very nature.

I dream to fight
and wait in my mind
for that hero's ending.

'I dream to fight' means something different than the obvious, to me. My dreams are how I 'fight.' I'm the Sandman's Apprentice, after all.
Waiting in my mind is a little obvious-- I spend a great deal of my life 'upstairs.' However the bit about a 'hero's ending' is making me think now, what with Homestuck's huge influence on my life. I'm a God Tier after all, and you know the only two ways they can die for good...

Just what can make me a real man?

The question that has haunted me for years, haha. It's futile to wonder over, really.
Who can define what is 'real' for me, except me?

To match the signs
you must survive
match the changing breath

This one picked up its meaning just recently.
The 'signs' are synchronicity, my strings of coincidences. They are the 'signs' of change, if you will. But to match them, to meet them and join them, I must survive. I can't give in or give up.
As for changing breath, remember that 'breath' is synonymous with 'life' in a great deal of symbolism. My life, and my role in it, is changing strongly and quickly.
Another meaning is that I am a fundamental part of those signs, that breath. I must survive, because it needs me just as much as I need it.

as light features luck
to pull you through.

As essences more than elements, both light and luck are related for me, at least in this context.
Here, 'light' would be the guidance and truth I follow... and the 'luck' it features is all my blessings. How many times have I said I feel like the luckiest guy in the world? And how many times has that 'luck,' in those incredible blessings, been the main force pulling me through the darkness-- through the black light?
I'll get through this. I'll survive.


And then the second, final poem...


late
divine
you must survive
The luck you wear will pull you through.

The word 'late' has a few meanings, and here, I feel it means 'near the end.' I've been told that I'm supposed to help usher in new things, and how else could I do that, if not at the end of the old?
'Divine' speaks for itself, as does the following line, in respect to that.
As for 'the luck I wear...' let me mention that in the song, they actually say 'the luck you feel.' However they can have the same meaning nonetheless.
I carry my 'luck,' my blessings, constantly. They are always with me. And as long as I hold on to that love, I have nothing to be afraid of.


To close this, let me reiterate something that Laurie told me, last spring.

"You're you. That's all, and that's enough. Don't lose sight of it. And stop being so distracted. I think that's your biggest vice right now. You take your eyes off what's important, and before you know it, you're lost... the grass isn't always greener on the other side, especially not when you're Celebi hirself. Your forests are the greenest the world has ever seen... You know, you're always wondering why 99% of the people you meet say you're such an 'amazing person,' that 'the world needs more of you,' that you're a beautiful little anomaly. You're always asking why, why, why. You know why. How many Celebis are out there? One. You're the one."

And I know.