prismaticbleed | tbhu weekly recovery recap 110324-111024

SUM UP THE WEEK:
Stopping bingeforce behavior. Blessed DROP in mealplan. TONS of journaling about body image/ identity/ gender/ core bloodlines/ future fears/ distorted thoughts/ etc. WATCHED INSIDE OUT 2 AGAIN and feel even more in love with Anxi. Listened to "Before" in group and TALKED ABOUT HOW MUCH WE LOVE BEING MULTIPLE. Still did all I could to participate & contribute to groups, including being daring enough to play MarioKart. LOTS of future planning. "GRATITUDE" angel card from KR.

LIST YOUR RECOVERY WINS HERE:
● SURVIVED THE HELLISH VOLUME CHALLENGES
● LEARNING MORE CLEARLY WHAT I LIKE & DISLIKE & HONORING THIS
● STARTING TO UNDERSTAND & UNTANGLE ISSUES WITH IDENTITY & BODY IMAGE
● ABSOLUTELY REFUSING TO GIVE UP HOPE OR QUIT!!

What are you most proud of yourself for this week? What situation did you handle well?
Honestly? I'm genuinely impressed that we KEPT SOLDIERING ON. We were SO DEPRESSED this week, due to food trauma & body image horror, BUT WE KEPT CONNECTED TO OURSELF. We DIDN'T RUN FROM LOVE OR HOPE. Every single one of our journals reflects that. We are GENUINELY proud of HOW WE KEPT ON ENCOURAGING OURSELF too. We FOUGHT for the silver linings and we turned them into GOLD. And when we were faced with difficult emotions we DIDN'T RUN OR DENY them; we FELT & ADMITTED them HONESTLY and we were then ABLE to work WITH them. The battle continues!...

Which of your goals did you achieve? How did it benefit you?
● We STOPPED FORCING TRAUMA FOODS & STARTED CHOOSING WHAT WE LIKE + WHAT WON'T MAKE OUR BODY FEEL SICK!! This is a CAREFUL BALANCE to avoid orthorexia but we're at least NOT USING FOOD AS A WEAPON.
● We did SO MUCH JOURNALING and we gave SIGNIFICANT, FOCUSED, LOVING ATTENTION to the SYSTEM LIFE BOTH INSIDE & OUTSIDE! WE WERE LIVING AS MULTIPLE! ♥

What could you do to make next week better?
● NO MORE HIGH VOLUME MEALS. NO MORE INFLAMMATORY FOODS OR ALLERGY TRIGGERS. NO MORE CONDIMENT FORCING. NO MORE FORCING SUGAR.
● And START EXERCISING! START WRITING! START PLAYING MUSIC! FIX UP THE APARTMENT! Do NOT give up on your future! FILL YOUR DAYS WITH JOYOUS INDUSTRIOUSNESS. But BE PATIENT. It's STILL ON GOD'S TIMING. So WORK HARD & TRUST HIM.
● START HELPING MOM. Don't let go of that relationship AND promise. Plus it's GOOD HARD MANUAL LABOR buddy!!
● BUY INSIDE OUT 2 ASAP AND FINALLY HAVE SOME REAL QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND! ♥

Rate how you found eating your meals & snacks every day. How could you make this easier next week?
1 / 5
This week I literally lost ALL enjoyment around eating. Everything hurt, and I just saw it all as "more weight" in terms of excess fat storage. BUT on Sunday the VOLUME WAS DECREASED so I felt ABLE to enjoy the food again. At home, I'll enjoy my meals more if they're SIMPLE & SMALL, and WHAT I WANT/ LIKE TO EAT. Being able to exercise again will also make food PURPOSEFUL and less scary; NOT "TORTURE"!!

Rate how you dealt with compensatory behaviors like purging or exercising this week. How could you make this easier next week?
2 / 5
Ironically I was too numb to care. We THOUGHT ABOUT purging, especially with the bad reflux & pain, but DIDN'T. And that was SO HARD. As for exercise, we REALLY "gave in"-- we're trying to do "passive calorie burning" by tensing up/ fidgeting/ etc. & we're CONSIDERING GOING KETO for a few months upon discharge. We're just SO DISTURBED by this distended abdomen. Next week, we MUST COMMIT to NOT PURGING because now we CAN so it'll be VERY TEMPTING. BUT if we START WORKING OUT that'll MOTIVATE us to KEEP IT DOWN!

Average mood this week:
2.5 / 5

Average sleep quality this week:
4 / 5 (SURPRISINGLY)

Average anxiety level this week:
10 / 10 BABE ♥

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TOP THREE THINGS I DID THIS WEEK:
1. FACING THE GENDER ISSUE
2. FUTURE PLANNING
3. LETTER TO FUTURE SELVES

THIS WEEK I FELT:
NUMB
TEARFUL
IN LOVE
ANGRY

MOST REWARDING INTERACTIONS I HAD THIS WEEK:
★ Phone session with mom: I'M GOING TO LONGWOOD!!
★ WATCHING ANXI ♥♥♥
★ The unexpected "discharge date disclosure" that allowed me to be totally vulnerable
★ Several people telling me that I am inspiring + valued
★ Staff members talking BOTH to / about me AS A FRIEND

NEXT WEEK I WANT TO:
● CHERISH MY LAST 2½ DAYS
● START WORKING OUT AT LAST-- maybe even join the gym already
● DIVE INTO ARCHIVING & READING OLD ENTRIES (pick for printouts)
● START LIVING A RECOVERED LIFE, 100%, 24/7, WITH JOY!

THINGS I ACCOMPLISHED THIS WEEK:
● SO MUCH IDENTITY WORK
● NOT DENYING THE SYSTEM
● NOT HIDING OUR EMOTIONS
● FOOD JOURNALING
● ACTUALLY TRIED MARIOKART

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING ABOUT THE WEEK?
WATCHING INSIDE OUT 2 AGAIN AND FEELING JUST HOW SINCERELY I'M IN LOVE WITH ANXI + JOURNALING IT

MY RANKING OF THE WEEK:
3 / 5