prismaticbleed

no way
no bleeding way
listen my voice mail hasn't let me use it in THREE YEARS for some inane reason
but today my phone dropped service and my case manager was upset that she couldn't contact me so I figured, better be responsible and figure this thing out.
so lo and behold I did
and
...all these voicemails are from 2021, 2020, even 2019
and

the earliest ones are little clips of grandma talking.

I am going to sob
I
for a long time now I've legit been afraid that i hallucinated my entire past
that I made her up and none of it was real
I got no closure after all, no grieving period, no proof that she had been there
my mom wiped everything off the face of the earth very fast
that was her way of coping
but not mine
I had nothing left to reassure me of reality

Until now.

Happy Valentine's Day from God I guess
this is so like Him I could cry from joy
who am I kidding I already am

Just a little tiny clip
From May 22 2019
"I wanted to talk to you about... it's grandma."
her mind already going from the cancer
but
oh I've wanted to talk to you too
about you

hearing her voice is so surreal
but so... how do I put it
it feels like coming home

I haven't remembered what that felt like since... many months before she died
before we moved out
before our memory shuts down

and now suddenly the lights have come back on

This is the biggest hope for healing that we've had in so long
Thank You God

Sorry for the quick TouchPad update I'm tearing up into our busted cellphone
But I could not ignore this event
She deserves all the gratitude and honor I can give her even now
even just in little ways
because those are all I have left
just little tiny things
and they mean the most.

19, 25