april 15

 

All I'm saying about today is:

Despite things still being tricky and foggy and disheveled,
it snowed today.

It snowed. Everything was white and blue-violet and gorgeous and I want to go out and run in it before it melts, I'm so happy.

The crazy thing is that, boss kept hinting at it even during the gales of wind and pouring rain earlier. And that baffled me; rain is CZ and wind is Genesis, but boss has nothing to do with that, he's snowflakes-- why was he smiling and shrugging, like I'd find out soon enough?
Well, I sure did find out later on! And I can't help but smile at that. Little amazing things like that give me hope.

Snow is peace and joy and forgiveness and purity. And to have a snowstorm, the day after a blood moon... it feels so significant, for us. Red and white. I'm deeply grateful that something like this occurred.

As for now, Laurie says I should get some sleep because I'm exhausted, emotionally and mentally and physically. Today's therapy session was just discussing yesterday's entry, but not making much headway other than realizing just how far back these roots go... and realizing how long we've actually been dissociating.
But I'm sad and tired and I just want to go upstairs and hug everyone and not have to worry about physical life for a while. I'm tired and sick and I want to rest. I might just check out tomorrow and meditate for three hours or something, I need a break. Everything hurts, my muscles all ache and I'm still recovering from that hack. I think this body needs some serious downtime too.

Have a lovely night.