071319

The "true me" only comes out in writing because THE TRUE ME DOESN'T EXIST IN THE FLESH!!

THIS IS A PROBLEM ACTUALLY; I have NEVER had honest identification with the body in a Christian respect and that is PREVENTING ME from living IN IT in a HOLY WAY.

071319 (!)

In church today, the System woke back up.

Last night, I dreamt about Chaos 0 and I getting married.

Today was a miserable day, full of sickness, but the eating disorder symptoms highlighted the root of the problem-- it's a dissociative forcing habit. It's because I "don't exist" when I'm eating. It's a sort of "death"; a suicide stand-in. I don't want to kill myself, and I don't want to die, but apparently part of my mind is terrified of living, and is taking a halfway step with this.